Let That Be Enough

Ch. 2- Vindicated

The night was crashing down on me, bearing me in its darkness till my eyes were useless like my own heart, an emotional drought. I squeezed my eyes tight wanting to see color besides the black night and as I did, the dots of scattered colors appeared in my closed-eyes that created an illusion of an imperfect masterpiece, yet an imperfection that reminded me of the way things use to be. Simply imperfect, yet carried an aura of horrendous beauty. I lifted my head up, waiting and watching for something to change as if prowling for a victim, which in a sense I was. The stars were shining down on me like a sunset waiting to fall prey to the moon that would rise as the sun would become hidden away in the depths in the night approaching. The night was my life, my soul, my love. In the darkness I could hide my tears, could hide my imperfections and doubts and regrets. The pain of my life flickered throughout my soul, waiting for another time where I could finally be free and happy from the bondage that held me down. Ironically enough, Anthony and I had become the same- the empty lives we lived filled with so little color and our broken souls that became one. Hope had died along with the broken pieces of my life and heart that had been smashed by a hammer called the past, shattering it in so many pieces and directions I knew that only a miracle could piece back the remaining shards.

Hope, dangles on a string 
Like slow spinning redemption 

The loud music of the bar pierced through the silent of the night, purging it with the crudeness of its lyrics sung by the prince of darkness himself, Marilyn Manson. I stumbled around the pavement of the parking lot, drunk from my own misery that was intoxicated with pure emotional alcohol.  So I fell down onto the ground and just lyed there for the time being, looking up at the sky and watching the fireflies dance their silent captivating rhythm. They reminded me of seemingly endless earthly stars as it winded in and out of the air like forgotten hope that had not reach its destination quite yet, stalled in mid air.

Winding in and winding out 

The shine of it has caught my eye 
Roped me in so mesmerizing 
And so hypnotizing 

I was mesmerized by the light and the word that it represented repeated in my ear several times over and over until it was screaming into my mind for a second chance.




"Give it a chance"

My own sub-conscience betrayed me. I felt my head scream as I feel down ono the ground, rolling and clutching my head as the screaming inside increased until it stopped suddenly, leaving ears to ring the obnoxious hope melody over and over. Hope did not exist! There was no such thing as hope. Hope, Love, and God had all died the day the past came down to crash my world, blindfolding my life with shades of darkness until I couldn't even imagine what was before me anymore but a swirling pit of utter darkness. If there was God, Then why was I hurting so much inside, internally bleeding until I had died inside the shell I occupied? People have talked about being able to feel god and his presence filled with hope and love, and to be honest I have never fel that in my life.

And how could I ever have hope, even a false hope, when my heart was splintered into pieces that could never be pieced back together that were ruined by love? To hope was to walk blindfold and with your heart on your sleeve for all to see. Ironically enough, even though I didn't belive in hope, I was searching for it in its truest form- the heavenly love where no doubts existed and floated on cloud 9. I was in love, yet it was the devil's love that pierced my heart with its thorns. Anthony didn't love me back, no if he did, things would be different. I knew Anthony once loved me, but I don't understand what happened next. In my mind, it was all a blur. I could only remember Anthony as sunshine with his blonde hair and preppy clothes, before he dyed his hair black and his deep laugh that always sent shivers down my spine turned into a certain hollowness until laughs didn't exist in his world any longer. I was searching for my long lost love that had not just died, but had been painfully stabbed numerous times and been left lying there to bleed to death as no one came to help it. I was searching for the old Anthony with carefree smiles and a laidback attitude about living.

And of course, Hope and Love ran hand and hand. Love had failed me in the end, leaving a ghost of a person. If Love failed, wouldn't its brother do the same? Crushed hopes are the ultimate heartbreak in this lifetime.

There were so many questions inside starving for answers and thirsty for truth and understandment. Where will I run to find these answers when everywhere I looked answers were never a result, only confusion infusing itself more into my life was a outcome.

"Give it a chance," The night wind slowly crooned into a midnight song, chanting the soft harmonious melody into my ears, the fireflies slowly dancing to the tune as the leaves of fall slowly wavered back and forth, back and forth, a silent rhythm matching my own heart beat. My own heart slowed down to a calming beat as the answer struck me. The answer I had been waiting for all along, the answer I was starving for and spent so many hours searching for in my inherent library. It was pure and simple that I almost laughed at my own stupidity because the answer had always been the only light in the intricate threads of darkness that had encumbered my light.

I am…


The sudden silence of the night startled me as the loud music from the bar stopped along with the night wind that had been calling for me just moments before. It was the signal that Anthony would begin his set and the show would finally begin.

"Give it a chance," I softly whispered to myself, shivering not from the non-existent air, but what was to come in the next few hours. Call me superstitious but I could feel the air cluster around me as the dew stuck to my skin, as if anticipating that something was out there and seeped to me as if protection from the evil that the night held in the palm of its hand.

"I guess the air knows Anthony and I are both darkness." I chuckled, delirious from my own self and realization. It's true that truth was a hard slap back into reality where everything was so much more different. Though it did not pave roads, it brought light that was horribly painful into the dark forest I had helped created. Then again, I was horribly drunk and couldn't tell left from right but that was okay. In my drunken state, I thought I reached truth at last. My conscience was screaming at me to give up my darkness and run towards the light.

The beginning of a slowly melodic tune reached my ears, and I slowly turned and started towards the bar with a heavy heart, knowing that before I gave hope a second chance I would have to see the person that destroyed my walls of security and innocence.

A/N: This chapter is so sappy. And I was too lazy to write some more to put the rest of the song, so there might be a Chapter 2- Vindicated Part II. Hopefully so cause I had this great idea for the diamond part of the song. Thanks for the reviews, Esp. Ashley. I read it and you made me smile and feel a lot better cause I was having a shitty day that day. J