As I sip at my cup of milky tea
I'll write a poem for all to see
About my painful, twisted walk through life
About how I abused my long-suffering wife
.Excpet I'm actually anti-marriage and straight
So I'll have to write about an awful blind date
.Except I haven't been on any to name
To be honest I find the whole idea quite lame
So I'll write about a relationship's end
How I chased off my last boyfriend
.Except I wrote about that last night
To write about it again wouldn't be right
I called him every name under the sun
So now I think that theme is overdone
I don't want to get sued, you know
So I'll write about pure, white winter snow
Nature poems are always admired
Suddenly, my work will be desired
.But then reality hits with an awful thud
London snow always looks like mud
It's just one big gigantic brown mess
It actually looks rather grotesque
So I'll write about the world of self-harm
And all the times I've carved into my arm
How my flesh is just one big sketchbook
And people give my arms awful looks
.Except my scars are more on my waist
And look pretty crap because of my haste
They're not artistic- they miss that mark by far
They're just red and, to be honest, a little bit blah
So I'll write about my drug misuse
Cocaine snorting and heroin abuse
.Except I don't take any sort of drugs
And I never been offered any by local thugs
So I'll write about intellectual pain
How I feel isolated because of my brain
.Except my I.Q. is around about three
I'm not very bright, as you can see
Oh fuck, it's bad poem- the type I dread
So, screw poetry! I'm off to do random Maths puzzles instead