Author's notes: This is based on my own true story and my crush on a teacher. I have not completely healed from the pain and heartache of the crush because I cannot simply push my feelings away for him. The names are changed and some parts of the story might be changed too!! just for my writing purpose...

We'll Never Be

I remember the first time I walked into his classroom, the desks were arranged in test formation, and none of the people in my class could say his last name right. It was so funny, because I still remember what we did the first day of that history class. Yes, I fell in love with him a month later. I fell in love with my history teacher.

Just let me give you a scoop on my lovely teacher. He's about...5'9 and he has these wonderful hazel, light brown eyes. When you stare into them, you can see what he's thinking. He's only 28! and he's so young. He's got messy brown hair and a smile to die for. See what I'm talking about? This guy is perfect for me! He even shares the same interest as me :History! He's got that wonderful scent so I can tell whenever he's around me. He's quite a mystery as well, so it takes some time for you to get to know him, since he's such an introvert.

I remember the times when I felt so comforting around him, as if he was the only one for me. Its funny how I realized that my feelings were beyond what I could control. I would do the most outrageous things for him, and yet, he would never notice. There was this one time when I went to go ask him about some homework, when I was only just going to see him. I could never get enought of his hazelnut eyes. They were so deep and memorizing, I could not look away from them.

My fantasies and dreams about him slowly turned into obssession. One day, when I could no longer stand not telling anyone that I liked him, I went to my friend. They had suspected that I liked my history teacher all along. All i could do was laugh and smile as my friends told me how silly I was in front of you. I guess that when your in love, it makes you do crazy things. I wish I could take that all away.

I sent him an email one day out of the blue, just to tell him that I liked him. I didn't sign the email with my own name, but after that, I felt afraid that he would know it was me. I tried avoiding him, i tried to push him away. The more I pushed him away, the more I fell deeper and deeper into my crush. It hurts like hell.

Now, I sit here writing this to whoever is going to read this because I need to get everything out. I have been depressed about this from day one and still will be. I don't think I can ever let go of such a great man! Its just so hard. Yesterday, I cried for the first time. My parents asked me what my problem was but I couldn't tell them about my crush. I look back on the times and memories of what we had, and that is all I can ever have. This guy that I have loved for about more than 5 months, probably doesn't like me, doesn't even think twice on why I do these things. Sometimes I feel as though I am alone and I will never get to know him more. I will never get to push away my feelings for him.

In some ways, I want to thank him for all that he has done for me. He has caused so much hurt and pain in my life that I struggle to live each day. I must thank him for the pain even though it is horrible. He has taught me to be a totally different person and he has made me stronger in some ways. I know my limits and who I want. I know the basics of a heartache.

I don't know what will happen in September. I don't know if I will fall in love with him again, even though, right now, I am not completely healed by this crush. I'll see until then, but I do know, that I can no longer push away and I must accept the fact that he will never like me like I do.