Confusations of Driver's Ed, Health, and things that start with S.
-A Cindy Moon Creation-
Chapter 4- S. Blank Blank.Mustard and water mixed together can induce vomiting
Okay boys and girls, unfortunately the confusing conversation had to end sometime. With summer school meeting its demise, (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!) there is nothing more to report. Thus, I, your anonymous narrator who is only to be know as _ _ _ _ ends this discussion with the most controversial topic of "Lessons for Life". It's the big bad three-letter word that begins with S.
I'm not here to preach, but I would like to inform. This is something that affects everyone; it knows no age. As you grow older your body will go through changes, and certain thoughts will affect your mind and your actions. You'll be faced with choices and decisions you will have to make in split seconds and the wrong one could mean your future. Yes, I'm talking about S.A.S. For those who haven't experienced it yet, please make an effort to abstain from it. Short attention span happens to about 2 million people in the United States at any given time. So please, try to avoid being sassy. And if you already had SAS there are people who can help. Get your attention span back! Get your life back! Don't let a few moments of "happy" ruin a lifetime.
In the end, what was learned in summer school?
1.) Don't drive when the cops are out.
2.) The myths about getting sober are all false, here's the truth:
a. Drinking coffee will only make you an alert drunk
b. Taking a cold shower will only make you a cold, wet, stupid drunk
c. Exercising will only make you a tired, sweaty drunk.
3.) Don't overdose on hairspray/nail polish/air freshener/ cooking spray PAM
4.) Nonoxynol 9 is the most powerful spermicide.
Oh dear, I forgot to talk about sex. Doesn't it suck that the imperious male gets to have all the fun, while the delicate flower gets to feel like he's shoving a rake into her, and she is also the one to carry immense pain that no man would be able to endure?
Pregnancy: Nature's own birth control.
Birth control, it's superfluously overrated. Oh no, but I used "protection". It makes me cry, it really does. Let me tell you something about the pill. It emits hormones (extra estrogens/progesterone) that in simpler terms "tricks" the body into thinking it's pregnant. So it's not like someone's going to get pregnant while already "pregnant". The beauty of it is, with the pill comes weight gain, bloating, depression, mood swings. The intensified form of PMS!
What about condoms and all that jazz? Well what about them, who the hell uses them correctly anyways? It's not like one sat down to read the instructions carefully. So, my advice to you is to abstain from sex all together, you'll prevent much more than pregnancy.
Just say no, and here's how:
"Get away from me, get any closer and I'll break all the bones in your body."
"Touch me and I'll castrate you"
"My Daddy's a sniper."
"You're going to hell."
"Go AWAY!!! Don't come back until you have six large pink paper clips." (In this event, you have time to revaluate your decisions)
And if you somehow do have a child, too bad it's your responsibility. It's the payback for when you were bitchy to your parents. Karma with your dogma; you'll see an annoying little brat across from you on the breakfast table that's wearing your face. That's the worst thing in the world, growing up. You can't run away either. In desperate times, go down the mountain, cross the state line and pull over. It's legal to beat your kids in Nevada.
Lessons for life; all summed up. Don't forget to KISS.
Keep It Simple Stupid!
The world is filled with educated derelicts.
^^ This is Cindy Moon signing off, a big thanks to all my reviewers! Hugs to you all!
An extra hug for to Jessie who came up with the name of Confusations, and introduced me to the concept of SAS.