I roll over. The radio alarm clock on my nightstand glows neon green. I squint, my glasses aren't on.

Well.looks like I won't be getting sleep tonight.

I sigh.

I can't believe it is four fucking thirty already; I went to bed at ten thirty. Why the fuck won't this sleeping pill work?

I sigh again. Sighing has become my 'thing' lately. Every single night that I can't sleep, I sigh. I sigh often and I sigh loudly. Why? Because what else am I going to do. Am I going to stop, you also ask. No. No I will not.

I wish my mind would just shut off.

I roll back over, not feeling like staring at the clock. I know I'll be back looking at it in another twenty minutes. Staring at it like it is Jesus Christ on earth.

I wonder who else isn't sleeping in my house. Oh right, no one! Lucky bastards.

I move my head on the pillow looking for a cool spot to lie on. I kick my blankets back. Even with the air conditioning, I am fucking hot.

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep.

That doesn't work either. Does it work for you? It does? I envy you. Really, I do.

Now I'm cold again.

I pull the blanket back up. It is a blanket my mom made for me. She crocheted it. In the dark you can't tell but it has navy blue and aqua green yarn in it. I like it a lot.

This fucking sucks.

My mind races. I have never taken drugs but I think I would have to say my mind feels like it is on speed right now. The fan is too loud. It rattles when it goes fast. I roll out of bed for the thirtieth time tonight. I stand up and walk halfway across the room and pull on the cord hanging down from the fan. It slows down and stops rattling. I lay back down and pull the blanket back over me.

Why didn't that goddamn sleeping pill work like it should have?

I feel under my head for my favorite pillow. It isn't too hard or too soft. I find it, buried under my other two pillows. I pull it out and lie my head on it. I roll over and I end up facing the clock again. It taunts me. It hasn't even been five fucking minutes since I last looked at the clock? This is gonna be a long night.

I sigh again. See, I told you I like to sigh. For fun, I sigh once more. I sigh a third time for the hell of it. Somewhere in that mind I have I think some sandman character is going to come racing in to save whatever is left of the night for me. My mind must be on speed if It wants be to believe that.

My bed is too small.

From my ankles down stick out over the edge of the bed. What can I say? It was a hand-me-down bed. I got it when I was ten. I think it is safe to say I've grown a bit since then.

I won't look at the clock. I won't look at the clock.

I lie to myself. I look at the clock. I'm disappointed again.

Will this night end yet? Is it morning? Can I get up and mow the lawn yet?

Anything but trying to fall asleep. Anything, I tell myself, would be better than this experience. Yet, I do this almost every night. I close my eyes and get in a comfortable position. I convince myself I am going to fall asleep. I don't move. I try not to think about anything.


Time passes, thank God. I find I'm not falling asleep though. My eyelids don't feel heavy or anything. I curse. I get up and take another short walk around my room. It is pointless but what else am I supposed to do.

La la la. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Bum bum bum, bumbumbum bum bum Another one bites the dust.

Okay, singing doesn't help either. So I stop. I can feel the clock behind me. If it were alive it would be laughing. "Ha, ha, ha," it would say, "You can't sleep. Ha ha ha."

Wow there must have been something in that sleeping pill. Something like ecstasy or something.

I turn and look at the clock again.


Finally, it is five o'clock. My dad will be getting up for work soon. I think I will get up too. I feel like a cup of tea. I go downstairs. Eventually I will pass out for a few hours after the sun has risen and everyone who is normal goes about their daily business. Ah.that is some good chamomile tea.