What the hell is 'self-obsessed' to any man but I?
My love for you has smashed my lungs, I'm sick and I shall die
I'm counting down to my implosion, dying to kiss you
I know that you still feel the same, I love the way I miss you
Even now my rotting corpse beats its head against the wall
I cannot now be with you, even if I resolve to crawl
Trying to get by without spending time alone, my sweet
But sometimes my darkened room continues to have me beat
The pure allure of candlelight, music and
A lighter-heated screwdriver burning through my hand
One day I hope I'm crushed before I burden you more
You know that I am cowardly, deep down to the core
If you ever hear of me being happy away from you
Please disregard it, the rumours are not true
I know that I am lying when I imagine myself as good
I know that my only desire is to be misunderstood
Don't ever let your guard down with my love
It is not divine and it is not from up above
I am just wreckage and I am just vain
I am subject to pleasure only when I'm in pain
Blunt instrument trauma is all I deserve
Forcing my back against the wall, I observe
A firing squad of braindead fools, nothing more
I would escape, but sleep is safe and warm
I beg you to hurt me and make me cry out
Because if I ever hurt you, self-control will rout
And I'll be back to sleeping eighteen hours a night
The red-hot screwdriver's passionate bite
Will be forever enhanced by the voice of Ian Curtis
Nobody is ever going to manage to hurt this
Pale little inner-self except for me
I cannot ever let you fully see
The damage and trauma done by interaction
With members of any less poetic faction
For mine is the righteous because it is dead
My words are the words with bullets in their heads
I promise I am faithful and I promise I am yours
But who would you be to take the word of a whore
Such as I was, and still proclaim myself to be
I would not wish upon my enemy the Fate of being me
See this melodrama and self-centredness damage my mind
I find it very strenuous to even want to unwind
What does this world have that my pain could ever lack?
As I sit, impatiently waiting for a bullet in the back
I don't care if you break me, you can use me as you wish
But promise me you'll always think quite hard before you wish
You were by my side all of the time
The agony within goes much deeper than poor rhymes
Deeper than a razor-cut in a twisted mind's eye
Deeper than the burn marks that made a sad girl cry
Even deeper than the bullet as it's ploughing through his skull
I know that I'm self-centred and I know that I am dull
But I promise, one day soon I will give in to the hate
I'll report for duty with my head, cold, on a plate
Codeine's ceased to stop me bleeding from the scream within
If you promise to break free then I'll sink deeper into sin
Nihilistic angst is only part of the picture
I'd make myself some poison but I think I've lost the mixture
I do realise that I've failed you, and I know I've done you wrong
To spend too much of my time simply playing angry songs
The days when I'm not with you start to make me far too sick
The quicksand's turned to concrete and I feel too much of a brick
Not to weigh you down as we are both still doomed to sink
I only wish I had taken time to stop and then to think
About how the fucking hell I'd live without you again
Even though I know that you will pull me through the pain
I think you, too, must realise we are doomed
You to put up with me, I to torture myself in my room
And yet the torture is so wonderful it's real
Almost as much as the way it makes me feel
To kiss your neck and to touch your hair
To hold you close, to know I genuinely care
Almost enough about you to look after myself
But you know that my toy body has to leap from the shelf
Down to the concrete floor below
I love you, and I hope you know
That this, for once, really isn't bullshit.