A Spark of Life

My autobiography

When I was a little girl I used to walk around in the hot desert of Arizona and pretend to be walking with God. I would 'put him to the test' so to speak, however, I knew I would always believe in Him whether or not he did as I asked.

On particular occasions, I would ask for 'proof' of God's existence; if he was really there—everywhere. I would walk along on the sidewalks by myself, thinking, God, if you're really there, make the wind blow right…now!

Sometimes the wind would blow, sometimes it wouldn't. The day had already been windy off and on, so I knew it didn't mean anything completely. I liked to feel like he had done that for me, though. I still smiled when the wind had come.

Yet still, my faith never wavered. It never needed to waver. I had no reason to doubt God. He had always been there with me, even before I was born.

I remember a friend of the family's. She was a little girl who lived across the street from one of my close friends, Grace. Grace and I would play with the little girl. Torianne was her name. She was also one of my little sister's best friends. Torianne became extremely sick one day. Her appendix ruptured, and she had to be rushed to the hospital. My family was worried sick about her, so my mother, little sister, and I went to a store that sold beany babies so we could send it to her at the hospital since we weren't allowed to visit. We bought her a large beany baby. It was colorful, and if I remember correctly, it was a dog with the name of Guardian Angle. On the tag was a saying that went something like this:

In our prayers we hold you high,

Toward God's love and mercy;

Never fret and never fear,

For through God's love

Your Guardian Angel is here.

It was perfect for little Torianne in every way! It spoke to us, and my mother, sister, and I agreed that we had to get her this little dog! The tag also reminded us that we did indeed need to keep her in our prayers. She was a special girl, and the sweetest little thing in the world! We prayed for her daily, and checked in on her and her family. My mother made them dinner on some nights, along with other friends and neighbors.

Then, one horrible day, Torianne blank-lined. Her heart stopped for a full minute before she was revived. This happened twice, and scared everyone immensely! When she recovered and was finally allowed home, the doctors and nurses called her a miracle case, for she should have been dead, twice.

My family and I knew what a miracle it was, and we knew it was God at work. We also knew that, indeed, her Guardian Angel had been there, and that little Torianne was a miracle child saved because of God's mercy.

That was only one incident that drew me closer to God.

When I lived in Arizona my family and I had everything we could ever want! We had a large, three level house that was brand new, we had a huge yard with enough room on the side yards to play volley-ball, badminton, or put up a long slip-n-slide, and we had a beautiful pebble-tech pool with a sprinkler, a fountain, and a raised hot-tub that flowed into our pool that could be heated.

Did I mention we lived on a lake?

My family and I had the nicest neighbors in the world, the kids I babysat were always well behaved, and every family member had an extremely close, best of the best friends. Even our church was perfect and excepting: Christ's Church of the Valley.

So what went wrong?

We didn't feel like we needed to go to church every Sunday, or maybe Saturday. We took our lives for granted! We took my dad's job for granted.

You're on the right track.

My dad was let go from his business one day because they claimed to have 'too many workers.' Was it my father's fault that he actually told his customers and sales reps the truth about the pluses and minuses of certain makes and certain materials of his business? He sold furniture, and he's the best salesman our there! He's an honest sales-man, and that's what makes the store managers want to buy from him! Tons of people complained when they let my father go! I was proud of him!

That didn't bring in the money for the bills though.

Love didn't, either.

My mother didn't have a job. She used to waitress at Javelina Springs. She doesn't really like being a waitress, though. She likes meeting new people and friends, but she thinks of it as nothing short of humiliating. I never knew what was wrong with it. I guess she worried about her appearance; the impressions she made. She probably still worries about them!

It took a long time for my dad to find a job. When he finally did, we had to move. We had to leave our perfect house and yard on the lake, we had to leave our near-perfect lives, and friends, and our church. We didn't really realize what we had until we lost it.

I didn't realize what I had until I lost everything.

I never thought I'd make a friend like the one I had in Whitney.

I never have; yet.

There's still time, though.

We moved to Oregon, to an older house that needs fixing up, but you can't really tell. It's mainly the yard and inside that needs work. (Which we've done plenty of, I assure you. My mother still isn't happy with it, though.) It's still a large house—three level—it's large than most of my friends houses. I still feel blessed to live here, and I think the move from Arizona to here was a humbling experience, not that I've ever been one to brag. I do love the greenery. The hills took a little getting used to. The rain is wonderful, as long as it doesn't ruin any activities you had for the day. I always loved the rain. The lack of it in Arizona probably made me cherish is even more!

But, alas, my father was let go again. The economy was down, people were loosing jobs right and left. People were calling my dad and asking for work and available job opportunities when my dad was looking as well. He did get hired with his third furniture industry, and this time he made sure we wouldn't have to move again. We almost had to move to Tennessee!

I'm sorry, but I don't think I could picture myself living there.

Our other choice would have been Kansas.

Not much better, in my opinion. Probably worse! (Although one of my close friends was born there!)

The problem with this job though, was that my dad was being paid half the amount he had received from his previous job. We had to budget our money more than thoroughly, and we weren't able to eat out like we used to, or buy the 'needless things' as my mother called them, that were simply for fun or pleasure. It was hard, but not impossible. We managed to pull through just barely whenever the taxes came. I was beginning to wonder if it would be like this even through college!

My mom would talk on the phone to my grandmother a lot. She expressed all her doubts to Grandma and then bragged about my sister and me, which got excruciatingly old after a very short while.

I never cared for braggarts.

While I was semi-consciously listening to my mother while singing quietly to myself and making myself a sandwich for lunch, I learned that my dad was discreetly looking for another job. When my mom got off the phone finally, I bombarded her with questions and learned that he had been looking for quite some time and was actually going for an interview in about three weeks' time. I was a little miffed about my parents keeping this from me, as they had done about most things, but my mother claimed she didn't want to 'worry' me.

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When my dad was on his way to the interview in Indiana, my mother, sister, and I prayed for him to be smart, know what to say and how to effectively say it, and to be calm and interested and for everything to go well over all. There were quite a few people trying for this position, and we wanted the interviewer to remember my dad and like him over everybody else, but we only wanted this if it was for the best. (I only wanted him to get the job if it was for the best; if it was truly right for my dad and he would like it and if God willed it. My mother simply wanted him to get it no matter what, at the time.)

My dad called back the night of the interview and told us how it went. He thought it went pretty well, but the competition was pretty tough. One man was a complete suck-up, he told us. I don't remember what he said about the others, but my dad is a good judge of character.

When we hung up, my mother was worried, but I felt a non-surprising calm wash over me. I felt like everything would turn out all right in the end. I knew God and Jesus were watching over us.

The next day, before my dad arrived home from his flight, my mother was talking to my grandmother again. I never intent to listen in on my mother's conversation, but I was getting some water and all I heard was my mother's worried voice talking non-stop and asking tons of 'What if?' questions.

I don't remember what I said to her exactly, but she remembers, and that's what allowed me to be reminded of it. I said something to the affect of, "Mom, don't worry. He'll get the job," or, "Mom, don't worry. If it's God's will, he'll get the job."

My mother is rarely ever silent, but after I said whatever it was I said, she was utterly silent. She stared at me with her mouth agape and her eyes wide. I was quite surprised myself, so I left the kitchen and went upstairs.

Later we found out that my dad got the job. We were all extremely happy and praised God. We knew this was a trial for us that He wanted us to go through. We knew it was to bring us closer to God. He wanted to recapture our attention, and he did.

Now whenever my mother talks on the phone—usually to my grandmother or a family relative—she tells them what I said and that I knew the Lord would come through for us. I think God was speaking through me, so my mother could stop worrying for a second and put her faith in God and believe in Him so we could get on with our lives. We all forgot about Him for a little while, but no more. I want to have strong faith in the Lord! I want to believe everything He has done, and will do. I want to feel His love as I have felt in the past.

It was rather stupid of my self to ever start doubting Him.

He came through though, and His presence never left me. He did give me proof that he existed. You will only have to believe my words in order to see that. He truly is a great God! He truly is miraculous!