Not What It Seems

People talk about how sweet I am but they think they know the true me. The
sad part is that I'm bull. In reality I'm a troubled girl with little hope.
Sometimes I linger in the doorway, over hearing things my family says about
my "Future". They say, "She'll finish high school and make it to collage
and make it big." "She'll start her own family." "She'll marry someone who
loved her."

Who gives them the right to assume all this? What even gives them the idea
that I will even be alive to succeed all this? It's because they don't
know. I can't even find myself, so how in hell do they expect me to achieve
all this?

They put so much pressure on me to do well in school as in life. I do well
in school but as for life.well, it's not working out for me. I wish they
would just stop with all this shit.

They think they know me but they don't know me that I know. I don't know
what still keeps me here. I just want to leave for good. I want everyone to
accept the me I've gotten to know and I suppose to love too. The me, I've
gotten to know and love is a depressed, lonely, dark, and kept to herself
Goth with many friends but ignores them for the time being.

Can't they just accept that? No they can't.

I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming for someone to understand me.

Christ please grant me the strength to go on.

Sometimes I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over
me. Swallowed up it the sound of my screaming cannot cease for the fear of
silent nights.

I just want to see death before my eyes.

They need to stop planning my life for me because in the end I might not
have one for them to plan.