Falsehood Between Me And Myself


"As you know, I am the son of Doctor Dan Vikesdale. For those of you who don't know my name, I'm RJ Vikesdale, proud member of the band 'Diminished.' I decided to come back, after my sister had sent me this letter from a place I thought I'd never have to return to. Home. The thought of coming home never crossed my mind while I toured the great U.S., or so they say. I've been so busy with the music industry and the tours that my life, back here, in Ft. "Misery," was a mere water drop in the big pond of my very existence, or at least up until now.

"The letter, which had smears of ink from the dried tears of my sister, had some news that I knew would happen sooner or later. In the letter she told me that everything was just as it was before I went around the country with three of my best buds, with one exception. Dad had passed on. As you know, he died Friday night from lung cancer. We all told him to stop smoking; he even encouraged me to stop at one point. Some doctor he was, preaching what he wasn't practicing.

"So, she sent me this letter to ask me if I could give a eulogy in front of all of you, who admired him, thinking that I had no feelings to comprehend his death. Well, it's true. I never really was close to my dad, so I never knew him at his best like most of you probably did. When I was little, he was always too busy with work, helping his patients, seeing his patients probably more than his own family. I didn't blame him. I was quite a troublesome kid back then, so who would've wanted to see me that much anyway. I know my mom and sister had more than enough of me even before I turned sixteen.

"Everyone did always say that I was mini version of my dad, though, regardless of how often they've seen me with him. I had his frosty blue colored eyes, with small specs of hazel, his dark brown hair, or at least that's what it used to be-as you can see, it's blue now-, and for the most part, the same stubborn attitude which made me do all the things my dad thought of doing when he was a teenager.

"When I think about it, about twelve years back when I was eight, he told me stories of how he would've dropped out of school, and how he would've just wasted his life away on music he would never have anyone hear, but him. Look at me; I'm just that, except the band I'm in has their music heard, loud and clear. Ah, yes, uncanny similarities, or what.

"Anyway, that's all I really have to say. I didn't have much to say from the start so I probably rambled off and crap like that. I'm sure my sister will say something more noteworthy, so yeah. I got to reacquaint myself with this area again. Peace to everyone."

As I walked away from the microphone, all the tear-filled eyes just gawked at me. I noticed that all the sobbing had stopped the long moment I've been up there, talking. All these stares started to make me uncomfortable, as I walked towards my pals. Raising a fist up, I popped my middle finger out. Gasps filled the room, forcing a smirk on my face.

"Nice one, RJ," my friend, AJ, the bassist, said, laughingly. He ran his hand through his messy dirty blonde hair.

I just nodded my head proudly, as we pushed the back doors open and left the building.

"So, where shall we go, now that we're back here?" Ross, the lead guitar of the band asked. While I had the blue locks in the band, he had the purple.

"I'm starving. Before we do anything, can we at least get something to eat?" Trent looked like he was about to fall over of hunger. He's the drummer of the band, and well, let's just say he's the chunky one of the group. His hair was just as messy as AJ's except it had fading, green highlights in them.

While I was mentioning him, he's gay. We started to wonder after we spotted him, watching us shower, usually me. I got uncomfortable at times, but usually, the other guys and I were okay with it. We all respected his sexuality, just as he respected ours.

Unfortunately, Ross and AJ incessantly questioned my status. They'd gone and mentioned that I'd only dated one girl and that was in middle school, a simple puppy love most would say. After that, I'd never seen another girl. And for that matter, I was a twenty-year old, still standing as a virgin, and standing proud. But, I guessed there was a reason for that. Was I straight or was I a gay, like Trent?

"Hey, RJ!" Ross yelled in my ear.

"Geez, what?" I asked, indignantly, holding my hand up against my ear.

"We were all thinking of going to Mickey D's. You in?"

I looked at Trent, then the rest of the group. "Sounds good to me."

"Sweetness!" Trent yelled, hopping into our bus.

"Dude, let's walk there. It's not that far away." I continued walking past the bus. I turned around waited to see if they would follow. They gawked at me. "Aw, come on. You guys are such sissies. It's not that far!"

"Whatever." Ross changed his course of direction and came towards me. "Let's just do what he says. My stomach is starting to gurgle."

The other two followed suit. I had my hands in my pockets on the way there; it was quite chilly, especially for southwest Florida autumn weather. None of them had anything to say, despite the fact that we were back to where everything started. Our friendship. Our band. Our lives. This place was surely a place one would remember, but for us, it was a place of constant torment.

Each one of us had our own problems with this place at one point or another. Trent and his family issues. Ross, always on the run from his girlfriend, who claimed to be pregnant, or at least the last time any of us had any contact with her. AJ, well, we never really found out about his situation. His life was close to perfect, yet he's changed paths and decided to waste his life with us. What a guy.

And, as for me, I left here with an unsettled score with someone. I didn't know if he remembered, but I sure did. He was the guy who motivated me to do everything for this band, always repeating that I was a no-good bag of trash, just waiting to be landfill. I wanted to dice him up into a million pieces, throw them into a frying pan, and feed the charred flesh and bones to the hungry birds. I hated him with a passion. He made my life a living hell. I wanted to prove to him that I was more than what he said, and from what we'd done, as a band, I thought that mission's accomplished.

Being the youngest of the group by two years, my problems didn't seem as big as the other three guys, but I didn't care. They were my problems and mine alone. I was young and had been around the U.S. at least once, yet I still felt the need to find something, realizing that I haven't found all the problems I needed to encounter. It's a mind-provoking feeling that seemed to baffle me. Everything, up until now, seemed to have been just right, yet this thought stuck out like a sore thu—

"RJ! Gosh, what is up with you and spacing out today?" AJ asked, holding the door open.

"Give him a break. His dad died, remember?" Trent walked in, and got in line.

"No, I'm fine, really. I was just thinking."

"About what? Your boyfriend?" Ross laughed, standing behind Trent. Trent joined in on the laughter.

I shot a glare at the two of them, and then turned around, only to see AJ repressing his laughs. "Very funny. Ha…ha…ha…" I remarked snidely, walking in.

"Sure, whatever you say, bud." AJ walked past me and stood in line to order.

I trudged over, annoyed at their smart-alecky comments. I crossed my arms and looked around the fast food restaurant. People all around us whispered, "Is it really them? I think it really is Diminished." I smirked, glad that some people knew us by that name. Moments later, I looked up to see how old the cashier was, seeing how slow the line went. Who I saw left me in contempt; it was Rob, the one, who teased me and made my life a living nightmare.

But, all the scorn went away, and a new, unfamiliar feeling replaced it. A feeling I just couldn't understand…

"Welcome to McDonald's. Is your order for here or to go?" I heard him ask, sluggishly, to Trent.

"Your voice. I know you from somewhere," Trent said, leaning over the counter, looking at Rob. "You look familiar, too."

Rob looked at him through his glasses. Strands of his lightly gelled, brown hair fell in his face, as he looked down. "No, don't think so."

"Oh, okay. It's for here. I'll have a Big Mac. No, I'll have two Big Macs, large order of fries, and a large Coke." Trent yanked his wallet out of his pocket, with his wallet chain.

"That'll be $12.98, sir," Rob said, nonchalantly.

I saw Trent flash a smile and hand him the money. A fake smile appeared on Rob's face as he grabbed a tray and a cup from under the counter. He tended to the money and gave Trent the change and receipt before yelling out, "Next!"

Rob caught sight of me, only for a moment before he turned his attention to Ross. My heart pounded and my face felt like I'd been splashed with a bucket of cold water. He gave me another calm glance as he took Ross's order. Ours eyes locked to each other's for the longest time, the never-ending staring contest. I let out a big sigh and sat down at a table. His face wouldn't leave my mind.