It's those quiet moments when life beats you down

When you've shut the world out

And you've been replaced

That you see what has happened over time

You're not dead, but a shell

Something breathing but not living

And you figure out you've hated

Everything and everyone

With pictures flashing
And memories forgotten
Time running out like quicksand
The words are gone
It's dead like the stale air
The morning mist
The heat of the sun
Time still flows
Like a river crying in despair

But most importantly

If I kill myself will you wipe my blood?
If I die will you always remember me?
If I cried would you comfort me?
And if tomorrow were the last day,
Would you spend it with me?

© Mediator


                Cutting the engine of my car off, I listened to the reassuring smack as my boot hit the pavement. I got out and looked at the rather pathetic surroundings. The school, an excuse for what it actually was, seemed to be crumbling down as it was and the roof seemed to be caving in but it didn't stop most students from entering the building and chatting with their friends laughing and having a good time. I threw the cigarette from my mouth on the ground and stepped on it before beginning to make my way into Earnestly Crap High School; I mean Earnest Carp High School.

I looked at the students surrounding me and sneered in disgust. Oh wonderful, I would do absolutely excellent in this school between the snobs and the wannabe's. While making these observations I ran into someone sending myself sprawling to the floor. I looked up glaring at the person who was in my way.

"Watch it bitch."

I looked at the boy smirking slightly letting him think he'd won the little confrontation. Oh no, of course he hadn't but hey he didn't know me nor understand I don't sweat the small stuff. Or technically I did and chose to get revenge in a bigger way.

You're probably thinking I'm a total bitch by now and hey, who am I to deny you? I'm bossy, bitchy, creative, sarcastic, moody, opinionated, and go by the name of Rowan Kaitlyn Materson. I've moved four times since I was born, once because of my dad's job, and three times because of my school trouble.

Breezing through class introductions and some few fights were pretty easy for me. I sat in the period before lunch waiting for the bell to ring to signify the end of class. My head rested on my right hand as I began to fall asleep.

"Hey," I felt someone nudge me.

I looked up and turned to face a girl I had seen in a couple other of my classes.

"Class is over," she said gesturing to the students filing out.

"Ms. Materson I'd appreciate it if you could stay awake during my class," the teacher said while I rolled my eyes.   

                The girl who had informed me class was over was waiting outside the door.

                "My name's Melissa. I don't usually talk to those freaks but you seem different," she said tilting her head and studying me.

                I looked at her raising an eyebrow before she told me happily she would introduce me to all her friends. I sighed and wondered how I honestly go myself into these situations. I mean what was so wrong with being a social outcast? What was wrong with these particular people in this school? Maybe I was losing my touch.

                "Everybody this is Rowan she's new. Rowan that's Jeff my boyfriend, Michael and Matthew who are twins, Robbie, Chris, and the girls Toni, Chloe, Emily, and Anna."

                "Hi," I said in a rather bored voice.

                The girls smiled and began including me in their conversations about clothes while the guys waved and went back into their guy conversations.

                "Oh look who it is that bitch that ran into me. Looky, she's been accepted," someone said voice dripping with sarcasm on the accepted part.

                I turned and sighed dramatically while I noticed everyone had become guarded.

                "Dude you don't know me and I don't know you. You're pushing my patience level and if you call me bitch one more time well you and pain will go hand in hand," I bit rolling my eyes at his attire.

                "Oh god Travers go back to your freaks and do whatever you do," Melissa said haughtily.

                "You'd expect that wouldn't you Miss Priss?" he told her sneering.

                He leaned down to my level and I finally got a good look at him. He was definitely taller than me a little on the lanky side, more lean, so to speak. His eyes were what drew you in though they seemed to reflect whatever color was nearby. His hair was spiked but not those incredibly long spikes. He wore regular looking 'punk' clothes. You know those clothes you could find in Hot Topic.


                I stood up so fast he didn't know what happened. One minute he was up the next he was down. I punched him in the stomach before socking him in the eye. What can I say, defense classes come in handy.

                "You might want to put ice on that pretty boy 'cause otherwise I'm thinking black eye," I sneered at him before sitting back down in my chair. I didn't bother to turn around but I could see other people from other tables whispering.

                "Oh my god that was like so awesome," Erin … Emma … Emily said.

                I smirked and nodded pretty happy at my handiwork.

                "Although that was funny you know he'll be after you now," Melissa stated looking at me dead on.

                "It's the least I could hope for. And here I thought this place was going to be boring," I said smirking before drinking my water and waving at the girls.

                I was one of those real radical types. Alright so I tried being a real radical type and I think I succeeded pretty well. I wore off the wall clothes and had original hair styles. I listened to the good music and got along with my parents. Well more like avoided and ignored than 'got along'.

                I left school deciding to skip the last two or three periods I had left. I hopped into my car and put down the roof of my '69 Sea Green Mustang. It had been restored therefore adding more luxurious features. I blasted my Alkaline Trio cd and pulled my '70's style sunglasses on. You know those glasses where they look like cats eyes. I backed out looking cautiously around before I felt the impact.

                I dropped my head on my steering wheel practically in tears. The only thing that I actually enjoyed on this place called earth was my beautiful car.

                My combat boots clunked as I stepped out to see who had been speeding though a parking lot and hit me.

                "Oh fuck," I said counting to ten before approaching the driver.

                "You hit my car," I said in a monotone.

                "Nu-uh you hit mine," Travers said smirking at me while tapping his fingers against his dashboard.

                "Get out of the car," I practically growled. So it wasn't exactly that intimidating because I was only 5'2" but it was the idea of the matter.

                "And let you sucker punch me again? I don't think so Materson," he said wagging his finger at me.

                "How do you know my last name?" I asked mildly curious. I knew he heard my first name but I don't recall anyone calling me by my last name.

                "Connections," he told me smirking.

                I sneered in his direction before looking at the damage his car actually did. I was so relieved when I saw it I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. His monster had only broken my light which could be easily fixed.

                "Let's go jackass move your car so I can leave this hell hole!" I yelled getting back into my own car.

                He backed up and I wondered why but didn't really care before I gunned out of there so fast if you blinked you would've missed it. Ah, the first day of school how refreshing.