~*Jackie*~

"Stop walking so loud!" was the voice that greeted me after a horrendously backbreakingly pointlessly tiring day of school. It belonged to none other than my loving, caring, selflessly sensitive stepfather Eric.

Naturally, I am being very sarcastic as a loving, caring, selflessly sensitive person would come up to me, give me a hug and maybe offer me a cookie. I stomped up the stairs louder than usual just to annoy him. I'd cop it later, but I'm far too pissed to care. School and Eric are not a good mix.

I chucked my bag onto the floor and glared at it. Inside the bag contained books. Inside the books contained homework. What right did teachers have putting work in our own time? None at all. Like hell I'm going to do it. I put a CD on. Afternoon music. Music for after school, designed to soothe a very pissed off Jackie.

I pulled out my VA book and started sketching. Visual arts. The only subject I can get within a kilometer of without getting cranky. The only class in which I haven't been sent to the principal's office yet. The only class I don't hate.

Two hours later, I had made a decent sketch of my best friend Jojo and her crush Lionel in a hot tub. Jojo would like that. She loved all pictures featuring her and Lionel.

Eric chose that moment to bang on my door extremely hard. I swear it would've popped off it's hinges, but apparently the quality was higher than I gave it credit for

.
"DINNER TIME HURRY UP WE'VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR AGES YOU STUPID GIRL!"

Now a normal person would think 'God what an unappreciative brat.' But the fact remains Eric only wants me at the table because unless I'm there my mum would refuse to serve food. And god forbid Eric serve himself. And that just about sums up my mum's defiance to Eric - non-existent except the little dinner-time fling.

I wandered down, sat down and twirled my fork in the spaghetti and was about to shove it in my mouth. My rule for dinner time: eat as fast as possible for minimal contact with Eric.

"THAT MOUTHFUL IS FAR TOO BIG YOUNG LADY! PUT IT DOWN!"

Glaring at Eric, I put the forkful down, twirled it in the spaghetti again and came up with one twice as big and stuffed in my mouth. I chewed defiantly, slowly, my mouth stuffed so totally full, just like a turkey at Christmas. My other rule is annoy him as much as possible which kin of contradicts but whatever.

"Jacqueline!" snapped my mother.

Eric smirked at me. One sore point in my life is my mother always took Eric's side.

"So Jacqueline, gaining a bit of weight I see," said Eric. Speak for yourself Eric.

I could feel my eyes narrowing. Even Eric has the brains to realize that when my eyes narrow I am about to get dangerous. What Eric doesn't have the brains for is that trying to annoy me further when my eyes are becoming narrow does not help. So my dumb, dumb stepfather continued, "Are you sure you should be eating all that? You don't want to go sumo."

Ha ha Eric so very witty! "Fuck you"

"JACQUELINE!" screeched my mum.

"I was only looking out for your well-being Jackie. I mean having a fat step-daughter is embarrassing."

Embarrassing my ass. I don't know why but suddenly all my pent-up anger, pushed down every day by my faithful music, suddenly exploded out of me. Now occasionally I have a major burst of violence, especially towards those of the male kind and now was no exception. Usually I go for the fisty stuff. Home was an exception. Blood on the carpet is a nightmare to remove. So I grabbed my plate of spaghetti and lobbed it at Eric's ugly head. It hit point-blank.

Before he could respond, I had grabbed the pot of minestrone and probably looked threatening enough to shut even Eric up. Not my mother though. My mother is even more stupid than Eric apparently.

"Jackie! Apologize NOW!"

Ok now I'd reached a point where saying I was pissed off is a major understatement. I don't know why because this scenario came up every night, me fighting and/or arguing with Eric and my mother taking the fat slob's side. But this time I was more pissed than usual. I was ready to kick Eric's fat beer-loaded ass and didn't mind getting arrested for it. I was gone. Not a hint of sanity.

I was just about to spring up and throttle Eric's ass when my mum finally realized that I was not about to back down and chucked her glass of water at me. And mine. And Eric's.

It worked. Kind of. Nothing major, just stopped me from committing murder. I was still pissed as hell. It also probably ruined the minestrone.

"All right mum," I hissed. My eyes must have been slits. Not only was I pissed I was wet. I hate wet! "Choose. Me. Or Eric. We obviously can't co-exist. So choose."

My mum was hesitant. She reckons she can calm me down still. She reckons Eric and I can co-exist.

"CHOOSE NOW!" I roared.

She took a deep breath. "Ok then Jackie. As soon as possible you go to your Aunt Doris's in America."

Now I could feel my slitty eyes beginning to twitch. The right eye only.

"Fine. You and Eric have a good life together."

I stormed up to my room, trailing as much water as possible just to stuff up the carpet a bit.

I did not feel peachy. I mean put yourself in my mother's shoes. Your daughter, who has stuck by you all her life even when you married a son of a bitch like Eric, is constantly fighting with the aforementioned bastard, with whom you have been married to for 4 months, and requests that he be removed from the household or she will leave. Now which would you choose?

Fuming, I cranked the stereo up real high to my after-dinner songs, designed to soothe a pissed off Jackie after a fight with Eric.

They worked not at all.

~*Elisha*~

My computer honked at me for the hundredth time, reminding me I had email. I suppose I should check it. I mean fan mail can get out of hand if one is not there to check it.

**

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]
Subject: your latest article

Dear Elisha,
I was mortally offended by what you wrote about Orlando Bloom in your last article. He most certainly does not have a horrible name. His name is the most beautiful name ever created on this dratted earth. Accept it and move on.
From Frankie T
**

Well there's a loyal fan. She should accept that Orlando Bloom is a crap name and move on. I shall ignore that email. On to the next.

**

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: help!

My master is being really annoying and insisting I grant this wish and that wish. My GT-Sporter is busted so I can't get away! What should I do in the next week? I'll die of annoyance!
Desperately, Catalina
**

Geez that Catalina is not very bright. Obviously she should tell him to leave her alone and refuse to grant anything until he does so. Any guy dumb enough to bug a genie should fall for that if-you-don't-ask-for-anything-I- will-grant-it thing.

**

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: the hotness radiates from you like the smell from my socks

Elisha I think you are the hottest genie ever. You have the cutest ass. Will you be my girlfriend? I'm 492 [genie years], 6 foot 10, blond hair, blue eyes. My photo is included in the attachment. If you are interested please contact me back and I'll give you instructions.
Forever yours, Creo
**

Well someone's high on weed.  Not that I deny the cuteness of my ass.

And the emails go on and on, ad nauseam. I think I will take a break. The only problem is I have nothing to do. I have decided that my master was far too boring and I've pushed the big red button on my GT-Sporter and landed in this new article of lighting. And so far nobody's turning it on so I'm stuck. I have told myself to give every lamp a chance and therefore refrain myself from changing lamps until someone has actually turned the damn thing on. So now here I am totally bored with nothing to do but read mail.

[a/n] hello peeps! A new story! Yippee!! Anyway does Elisha confuse you? Does Elisha make you feel dumb because you have no idea what it's going on about? Because if she does GOOD! If she doesn't go read it again because you obviously haven't done so carefully enough =P. so review review review and tell me all your views!