The Past Stays With You
By: Mr. ????? ?????
I had an unhappy childhood (to say the least!) and I need to tell it to someone. This is (or was going to be anyway) my first story on the web and its all true (at least from my point of view).
Note: For all of you who read "Who Am I?" the earlier chapters were written before "Who Am I", and might explain why I hid behind a mask for over half a dozen years. The thoughts expressed in both writings are closely connected, and both helped make and perpetuate each other. Without the mask I would have made more friends. With friends I would not have needed the mask.
Another note: Back then I had very little tolerance and was very quick to anger. Unfortunately, I had to learn tolerance the hard way.
I'll start about as far back as I can remember (I'm leaving out large amounts of time, since it was largely the same, but I will describe special events):
The oldest things I can remember are actually pieces of a trip to Disney (land or world – whichever is in Florida) and being terrified of the movie E.T., which I couldn't bring myself to watch again for many years,
I can't remember much of this, but I do remember running around, picking on other kids, playing tag and things like that. I thought I was just being playful, but I later learned different. Like all little kids, I would do stupid/funny things, like running through a glass window/door that was closed and getting myself cut. Back then I wasn't really liked or disliked by anyone.
My first memories of Kindergarten are of me standing near the playground, scared of all the people. The worst thing was, they all seemed to know each other already. Before school had even started, I was already feeling left out. So how did I take this? I was determined to make it on my own if no-one was going to be my friend (I have a problem with making small problems into impassable obstacles and with making assumptions), I would have to be on my own. This was not made immediately, of course, but only after several weeks of not being talked to very much. I was very shy and somewhat spoiled, whitch didn't help any. *This was when I learned my real name I'm not going to tell you what it is, of course, but I will say that up until this point I had always been called by my nickname, and not my whole name, so I just thought my nickname was my whole name*
I also remember a vague blur of activities, loneliness, recess, you know - that sort of thing.