Hi.  My name is Alotta Booze.  I am the coolest thing on this universe.  I'm serious.  I'm not being sarcastic.  I rock.  Like, totally.  I have so many friends.  I rock.  I seriously rock this universe.  I rock you all.  I rock.  I rock.  ROCK ROCK ROCK.  I say rock a lot.  Like so – That rocks!  I rock!  You don't rock!  Rock on!  I rock!  I rock!  I ROCK!!!!

Cuz you know, I rock.


So you know, me and Anita, Anita Newfren, we're like, the BEST of friends.  See, this is what we did yesterday.

It all started at school yesterday.  Anita was sneaking around corners, don't ask me why.  She kinda looked like she was trying to avoid someone.  She just opened her locker when I tapped her on the shoulder, my feet pointed, my back bent, my shoulders rising up to my ears, with my best happy-friend grin.  "HI ANITA!" I screamed in a shrilly voice.  But you know, that shrilly voice of mine rocks.

Anita glared at me.  "Alotta, I'm going to tell you this ONE more time.  GO AWAY."  Wow, she really loves me, doesn't she?  I put on my better-than-best-happy-friend grin.

"Anitaaaaaa, can we go watch a movie tonighttttt?"  Anita loves me.  Cuz I rock.

"I'm busy.  I have to comb my hair."

"I'LL HELP YOU!!!!!!!!  I'll be there at 5."  Anita glared at my happy-friend grin again, her happy-glare.  She dug through her backpack, grabbed a baseball bat, and smacked me over the head.  "I LOVE YOU TOOOOOO!"

"Oh my GOD.  Go away."  Anita walked away, leaving me with her baseball bat.  It's nice to know she trusts me with her prized possessions.  I didn't see Anita the rest of the day.  She must have been busy.  But that's okay.  I saw her that night!!!

I wanted to surprise Anita.  I got to her house an hour early.  Cuz you know, she loves me.  She hit me with her prized baseball bat.  She must really love me.  Even though I was flattered she would present me with her beautiful baseball bat, I brought it back to her to surprise her.  I rang her doorbell in the same fashion I poked her shoulder that morning, my cool pose – feet pointed, back bent, shoulder riding up, happy-friend grin.  Anita's mom answered the door.  "Oh, why...what a surprise, Alotta."

"Oh good.  I wanted to surprise Anita."  Anita's mom looked a little…rock.  She looked rock.  I LOOK ROCK TOO!!!  I walked into Anita's house and walked up to her room.  Her mom muttered something about "shoes" and "carpets".  She must be like me.  I like shoes, and I like carpets.  And I even like the two together – shoes on carpet!!!  Wow, such an AMAZING bond between us.  Even her mother loves me.  Because I rock.  I got up to Anita's room and I opened the door fast.  Anita was on the phone.

"Uh huh, alright then, so 7:00 at the theatre, right?  Huh?  You guys, don't talk all at once!  Will, you first.  What movie do you want to see?  And you, Solomen?  Yes, Linda, go ahead, what movie would YOU like to see?  Okay, I guess the Texas Chainsaw Massacre sounds good.  NO, Will, this is a democratic process.  We are NOT going to go watch Yu-Gi-Oh."  Ah, so Anita was 3-way calling with 4 people.  That's pretty cool.  I've done it before.  One time, I helped Anita make her 3-way calling turn into 5 people.  I heard her talking on the phone, so I went into her kitchen, made myself quite at home, and grabbed her phone and started talking with them.  But I guess Solomen, Will, and Linda were busy, cuz they all had to go do something.  So that just left me and Anita on the phone together.  She hung up on me too.  So I ran up to her room and started bouncing on her bed.  Cuz I rock, and we're the BESTEST FRIENDS, and we're allowed to do things like that, I'm allowed to bounce on her bed.

Anyways.  Anita was still talking, but she didn't know I was in her room.  "ANITA!!!  I WANT TO WATCH YU-GI-OH!!!"  Anita dropped her phone in surprise and turned around.

"Alotta, WHAT are you doing in here??"  Anita didn't look very impressed.  I guess I didn't surprise her enough.  But I still rock.

"I brought back your baseball bat!  I'm so thrilled you would trust me with your prized possession."  More glares from Anita.  "But I can't keep it.  You're too good a friend."  Anita's happy glares turned into not-so-happy glares.  But she was just joking.  "Oh, tell Will that I want to watch Yu-Gi-Oh too.  Because I'm not allowed watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Too much murder."

Anita picked up her phone again.  "Alotta, you're not even invited.  And even if you were, 2 against 3 doesn't win."

"But I'm not allowed to watch movies that are rated higher than G!  That's not very fair..." I pouted, making my gorgeous features look better than they ever did before.  Not many people can do that.  Cuz I rock.

Anita started talking to Will, Solomen, and Linda again.  "You guys, see you at the movies at 7:00. I'll see you in front of, no Will, not Yu-Gi-Oh, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  See you guys there.  I have a problem to deal with right now."  She hung up the phone and turned to stare at me.  Automatically, I knew she had a problem.  We best friends have a way of doing that.  ESP or something, I guess you could say.  "Anita, stop making that face.  It's scaring me, in a hideous kind of way."

"YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!" I announced.

"Yes, YOU." Anita answered.

"Yes, I am going to help you solve your problem," I answered triumphantly.  She has so much faith in me!  I feel special.  But I still rock.

"Alotta, LEAVE."  Anita shoved me out of the room.   I guess the problem was downstairs, or she solved it.  I guess my presence fixed it.  She shoved me out the door.

"See you at 7:00!" I shouted through the closing door.

"See you NEVER," Anita answered back after the door was between us.  I'm sure she said "See you ever and ever and ever again!"  I don't understand her sometimes, she can be SO stupid.  I can't understand her.  That's why I rock more than her.


I arrived at the movie theatre at 7:00.  I saw the 4 of them walking into the theatre.  I was late!  But that was okay.  I'd find a way in.  I snuck in (because I rock and I don't think paying for movie tickets is rock) and found a seat in the row behind them.  They didn't notice I was there.  But I know they felt my presence.  Because I rock.

I closed my eyes and plugged my ears for the whole movie.  Except in the middle.  I opened my eyes and smacked each of them on the top of their heads.  In a friendly matter, of course.  They just all screamed "OW!" for no reason.  Anita didn't look pleased.  I guess I wasn't rockingly surprising enough again.  I closed my eyes again, because it would be bad to watch a murder movie.  Yuck.

So then the movie ended, and I had no clue what was going on.  That's why I didn't pay for a movie ticket.  I wouldn't have, anyways.  Anita and the rest of them left the movie theatres awfully quickly.  I followed them out, but I lost in the crowd.  They must have had too much of my rockingness and it made them crazy, since they forgot to say good night.   That's okay.   I forgive them, like the forgiving rock person I am.

So I went home and went to sleep.  Me and Anita could hang out tomorrow.  Because I rock.  I called Solomen, Will, Linda, and Anita and thanked them for inviting me.   They all hung up on me.  They must have been tired from the eventful night.  I LOVE MY FRIENDS.  And I know they love me more, cuz I rock.