How to Write a Teen-Hero (a.k.a. Save the World) Story

A step-by-step instructional on how to write a typical, sappy story, in which Everything is Fixed and Turns Out O.K.

Lesson I: The Title

The title is a vital part of any Teen-Hero story (also called fic, or Blatantly-One-Lined-And- Overly-Predictable-Tale). The ideal title draws the reader in and doesn't let him or her go until he or she has read the entire fic, or at least the first chapter. Tying a lollipop to the title or some other form of bribe works well. Glue and bear traps help. Catchy wording can be used, but ONLY as a last resort when one runs out of lollipops.

In any case, if you do indeed decide to have a title for your fic, and not just call it "Untitled", here is a step-by-step instructional on how to pick a title:

1. First, find a name for your main (also called central) character. This character must have an intriguing, cool, super-great first name. Don't worry; we will change it to something sappy later. My example character will be called Angel, let's say.

2. Now little Angel must have a characteristic that will stand out, or make her noticeable in some way. This could be silver eyes, freakishly pale skin, naturally green hair, or something slightly milder, like a scar (cough, Harry Potter, cough) or birth-mark. Angel, in this case, will have long black hair. This, coincidentally, will later be described as "So dark and enticing that you could almost lose yourself in its silky, black layers." The more it sounds like a food, the better. People like food. They don't really care about hair.

3. Now that we have a black-haired little girl name Angel, we can begin to write our title. See, "Angel" and "Black" are two words usually not related. We can simply put them together to make our title "Black Angel." See how I did that?

If you don't like the above example, you could always work little Teen-Hero/Heroine's (no not the drug) powers into the title. Now I say powers because, as everyone knows, every good Teen-Hero must have at least six powers, which will later be discovered, coincidentally all at once, and, in front of the Cute Boy Dow The Street that she is Hopelessly in Love With. No one knows why. Let's go back to step 1:

1. Our character is named Angel, as we already found out. But, what shall her six powers be? They all have to be related. Let's go with the easiest; telekinetic/telepathic abilities. Now Angel (who we shall say is about fifteen) has the ability to fly, read people's thoughts, alter their thoughts, make other things fly, read animal's thoughts, and, of course, be able to breathe underwater. The sixth talent does not have to be linked in any way. As a matter of fact, it cannot be linked. Once again, no one knows why.

2. Now we are almost ready to connect these together to form a great name. But first we need to find her a nickname. Many typical super-heroes have names that tell, quite obviously, what the person does (ie: Superman is a super man, Cat woman is a woman/cat, and Batman… is an ordinary guy with a smart butler and way too much money, with an odd desire to wear spandex… ok, bad example, but you get the point).These are great names, but they pretty much give away the person's powers. Teen Heroes' nicknames CANNOT do that. Once more, no one knows why. One big factor to finding an awesome name has to do with hobbies. If Angel likes to go outside and look at stars, her name could be "Black-sky" or "Star-child." Or, if she likes to play "Super Pinball Action Game of Doom" at the arcade, we could call her "Spagod." However, we shall just call her "Black-sky." Star Child was already taken by Kiss.

3. NOW that we have all of our elements, we can tie them together. We know her powers, and super-sappy, totally unrelated nickname. So how do we bring them together? Well, we must use her name, and the sixth talent in this, so we shall call it "Black-Sky Under Water."

But then people will say, "'Black-Sky Under Water'? What the #* does that mean?" However, after that, they will read the summary (examples of this to come in the next chapter) and everything will make sense again. Well, not really, but it will help to further trick The Reader into reading(and reviewing, if he/she finds fit).

Now, my children, I bid you good day, and may you all drift off in school, or at work, and begin to daydream of your own little sappy characters. Adieu.

A/N: This instructional fanfic was meant only in jest to mock the predictability of MOST Save the World Teen-Hero stories. None of this is meant to offend you. If it does, then you are too touchy, and I suggest you go climb a tree. Wait, that was offensive, wasn't it?