It's been clear for a while that the people I know and love, and spend every day with, are very different from anyone you will ever meet. And this is because they all understand each other. They understand me. And they understand the little important things that need to be understood, ignore the things that don't, and are currently learning the potentially vital aspects to everyone else's body, mind, soul.

Every now and then we break down. Every now and then someone gets left behind. Sometimes you see a star fall. That's what you would call it, right? A falling star. Also known as a shooting star, which are the most beautiful because they leave a mark across the sky.

The realization that occurs most often is that our little pack of friends are very hard to get along with not only because of our would-be anti-socialism but also because of our inability to trust, to open up, without a given reason to. And if this is our problem in life, we must be a pack of gluttons for punishment.

What exactly am I saying anymore?

Maybe there's more to me than I thought.


(dream sequence): World War I and I'm a wounded soldier on a military base in Colorado. I am a married man. Happily married, and with two children and a brother waiting for my return. What was I thinking? I made a pass at an Italian nurse. She turned and glared at me and I was afraid. She wore a wedding band on her left ring finger and I knew I was in for it. Who was her husband? A butcher? A baker? A candlestick maker? The next day I was awakened by the same nurse. Stezzolini, I am sure her name was. She smiled at me softly, told me it was time for my shot. I remembered that I was never due for any shots. I couldn't speak. Now grinning maddeningly at me, she brandished her weapon of choice. I closed my eyes and realized what her husband must have done for a living. A stab of pain. A sudden feeling of wooziness. I closed my eyes. Distinctly I heard a pleasant female voice whisper, "Ceneri alle ceneri," and then I was gone.

I woke and immediately realized that if I decided to analyze this dream, I would come up with the basic: If you cheat on Simone you will die. To be honest, I don't think that's the real meaning of the dream. Even if it's a good thing to live by.

I decided that now was not the time to interpret odd dreams such as this and lay back down beside Simone, who was sleeping like a baby. I closed my eyes.


I couldn't stop thinking about the baby. I couldn't stop thinking about the thing that baby had turned into. What did it mean? What does anything really mean? Adriana was worried about me afterward, I know. I was worried too, but for different reasons. For reasons so absurd simply because they came at the most inappropriate time. Right when I woke up, I thought, 'This just happened to me. Adriana was not speaking to me and now we're together.' Where is the sense in this? And then I look at her and realize that there was no reason for us not to be together in the first place. But there's always that doubt in the back of my mind, that God forsaken What If? that creeps up.

Adriana's ceiling is made of glass. She sees everything bright and beautiful in the night sky and I wonder if she's picked something out for me the way I have for her?

The moon is full, tempers are running high and everything is confused. I really don't know what to do because this could just be between me and moon. But what if? What if it isn't?


O del mio dolce ardor.. brahma togetto.. ran through my mind as I laid in bed staring up at the night sky. I barely knew what it meant, only knew the tune and how to pronounce the words. I was afraid to fall asleep now with Tony and Pete's dreams. What would I dream?

Something has been bothering Tony lately. I see it in his eyes when he looks at me and to be honest, I can't blame him for anything at all. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me either, that by complete chance I happened to find him outside the cafe, that by complete chance I forgot exactly why I was so afraid in the first place..

Alexis once told me that God knows what we need before we even ask Him. She also said that He knows who is right for us, that he made someone for each and every one of us. She said that true love waits.

It's reassuring, believe me.

I picked out your star, turned night to day, a simple whisper from your voice, then I fade away... Lately the stars had been shining more brightly again. It's so easy to trust.