PRETENDING

This is for the little moments that you were never really there. I guess I was naïve but I was blinded by devotion. Now you come and try to speak to me, but I'm not in shape anymore. I erased each and every word. I don't even know where this ended and I keep wondering if it ever began. I found it hard to be myself when I discovered that you were in a funny way a perfect match for me. I wish I could rewind and talk to you with words that were really mine. I couldn't believe I was drowning in my sea of emptiness until you pulled me out in time. Why I keep doing this? It only hurts my insides. I can't forget you, not even through you out of my mind.

Fragments of December are soaking up my human vitality. You appeared in a fog of plenty illusions. Something was aching in my mind. You're name I still can't figure out. Some pictures in my drawer, some messy papers I recall. They consume out my knowledge and now I can't distinguish between feeling an emotion. This internal war is taking all of me. I don't want to suffer injuries from nuclear dreams. Culture computerized evolving revolutions explode and travel through my veins. I can't believe I was so blind; now it hurts when you lie the way you tend to do. Why you just don't leave? Please collect all those rhymes I used to called souvenirs. I loved every single page we used to write together and the hours that vanished all my constant sorrows. I stopped feeling lonely and for awhile since the first time I was born I felt completely full.

I'd raised my hands and tried to reach you with my best effort. I floated in a bubble of happiness and understandings. Then you broke that soap of charming and warm thoughts. I fell harder while I was pretending I could fly.

Now I can't restore the way I used to be with you. You loved like I was; now I just pretend and you ceased to care.

Is a sad story now that I think of it, but answer with the truth; why did you pretended too?