Tough Self-Love

I've made hatred an act of love

Self-hatred

            To camouflage my feelings

            I tried to leave behind

I can hardly function

            With all these things in mind

Watch me now, in this corner

Hated

            I tried so hard to fight it

            But it fought back with me

I wasn't ashamed enough

            I couldn't be

Forget the wrong one who waits

Despised

            There's some of me in you

            And you within me

 Tell me you'll look past this

            Without an apology

I will never say one word of regret

Tears

            I can't feel bad for being me

            As you so want me to

I'll always have mixed feelings

            No matter what I do

Returning to silence and CDs

Understanding

            Someone out there is like me

            If only they were here

And not in a random closet

            I wouldn't have to fear

To come out so intrepidly

Peace loving

            To shout that you won't be stopped

            Because this is what's real

It's real for me too

            But I can't admit what I feel

Forget the weird one in the corner

Comment of hate

            You control me like a plastic doll

            You want me to accept something

Of inferiority

            To all of you straight people

The rejected one all alone

            Won't be validation of an open-mind

            Or someone's crusading project

She wants to mean something

            Somewhere she won't be a reject

The one who's understood

            Won't be hurt like this again

            It's not up to anyone but me

It's her choice and life

            And maybe I can't differ