to hell with good intentions

...and I thought you were an apotheosis
but hey, what girl wouldn't these days?
I figured these words conflated to your
heart, and unwound into understanding.
So now I want these intentions to efface,
and mold into a massive pile of, nothing!
I feel like a flaneur, but I only sit
wasting away like a infantile human being.

There is a light that I keep seeing,
I see it when the feeling washes over me.
It grows like a disfigured excrescence--
making and enhancing its way inside of me.
I strive for attention, the thought of it
sends me to a supernal state. It fades.
Emotions I can never explain, so errantly
wandering inside of me, testing me.

...but I must say, that happiness is a
scary emotion. When I can gain vigor;
inside of me once again, I will not shake.
I will accept and give happiness a warm,
hearty, welcome. If the light ever does
fade when I close my eyes. State of mind.
Drink to equanimity, I will not abide trust
into anyone. To hell with good intentions.

A/N: This is crap. Everything is crap. Blah! lol. Not much rhythm
to this, I know... but at least I'm getting my feelings out...?
One theme in this poem kiddies, don't idolize people. Number two, do NOT put your whole trust into ANYONE. You came in this world alone, maybe you'll go out alone. Be careful. (I'm talking shit as usual.)