The Dumb Detective

*Authors note, the detective in this story is talking to himself in a voice recorder. *

"The date of this note is 7-17-00. A man walked in my office last week. Looked like a hippie
to me, but he said he was a pirate. 'Someone stole my family jewels!' he said. Man what a
pervert! Now why would someone come to a detective's office to tell me that someone stole
his dick?"

"The date if this note is 7-24-00. This rather vicious lady walked into my office the other day.
She had come to ask me to find her husband. 'Now lady, why should I find your husband
when I could take his place in the bed tonight?" she smacked me good."

"The date of this note is 8-03-00. A couple came to me today. They said they needed help
finding their stolen child. Now right when I heard that, I instantly called the police. 'Hello
police, I found a couple who stole a child from some other helpless family, and then lost the
kid. You can arrest them right away!' I said. Another job well done."

"The date of this note is 8-11-00. Just yesterday, I was called over to a museum. Something
had been stolen. I tend to deal with most robberies. So there was this million-dollar ring was
stolen while there was a tour. I was told that they went to go get lunch and they would eat it
while touring. 'Everyone got something to eat. Everyone did. Look at that girl!! She doesn't
have any food with her!!! Arrest her police!!' the lady said. 'Hold it! Lady, did you steal the
ring?" I asked the girl with no food. 'No.' she said with the ring on her finger. 'Then you're
the one tour lady! You're just trying to blame it on someone else so you don't get caught. Police,
arrest her!!' I think I am so good at this job!"

"This is the police, we have fired this dumb detective from his work. You will no longer be
hearing of him anymore!"