I had rolled over the next morning to find Greg had gone. I sat up, rubbing my eyes groggily and looking around. After a few minutes, the smell of fried eggs reached me and I stood up, following the sounds of the crackling frying pan .I wasn't used to the new surroundings, so it took me quite awhile to find the right room. Finally I found the kitchen and peeked around the door, Greg was standing near the oven in his boxers, swearing at the frying pan, which was spitting at him. I sneaked up behind him quietly and slid my arms around his waist; he jumped and turned in my arms to face me.
"You're awake!" He exclaimed, "I wanted to make you breakfast in bed!" I smiled, reaching up and bringing his face down to mine so I could kiss him. He still looked quite put-out as I drew away but he smiled anyway and picked up the plates, carrying them to the small table in the middle of the room.
I sat down opposite him and looked around with interest, taking in my surroundings far more than I had done the previous night. There were three sections to the room, the first nearest the door was where the bed stood, the second was the kitchen near the windows and then there was the bathroom next to the kitchen.
We ate in relative silence, looking up to gaze into each others eyes every few minutes. After the plates were washed and put away, we went back to bed, where we lay next to each other, kissing and caressing.
Something was niggling in the back of mind though, and it wouldn't let me relax as Greg kissed down my body. He sensed my restlessness and slid back up to my face, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips before propping himself on his elbow to see me better.
"Is there something wrong baby?" I hesitated, then said the one thing that was on my mind. "Why did Dave accept us straight away? I know Dave, he wouldn't've given you up so easily."
Greg sighed, slowly tracing circles on my stomach. He glanced up at me and looked as though he was resigned to the fact that he'd have to explain everything to me.
"He didn't accept it straight away. But he loves you; he wants you to be happy."
"What do you mean he loves me?" I asked slowly, staring avidly at him .
"He still loves you, did you know? But-when I told him I loved you he seemed to deflate his pride and.."
"And what?"
"And he told me he'd been seeing someone else too. Mack Stairwell, you remember him don't you?"
"That big jock who hates gays?"
"Yeah him, ironic isn't it? But he seems happy enough. All that matters now is that we're together right?"
I nodded, relaxing again. Greg pulled me on top of him and grinned up at me. I nuzzled against his chest and bit it gently. He moaned. I giggled and rolled away from him, getting up and swaying into the bathroom. He followed me in and closed the door behind him.
"You're so damn sexy Matt." He sighed, pulling me against him. I felt his hard on against my back and smiled, stepping into the shower. He leaned against the door, watching me as I lathered up my body. I smiled invitingly at him and he stepped closer.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all." I said, going under the shower head and washing all the suds off my body. He stood close to me, washing my hair and rubbing my back. I remembered the first time we'd showered together, how he'd kept his boxers on even though he had had a hard on that could break ice. I laughed at the thought and he pulled me against him again.
"What's up?"
"The sky." I said sarcastically, but softly, rinsing my hair and swapping positions with him. He laughed and allowed me to wash his silky hair. I breathed in his scent and my legs suddenly felt like jelly. He turned, water rushing down his cheeks and kissed me. It was like being slobbered on by a dog because of the water, but I had kissed him back all the same, and finally, we were both ready to get out.
"So then my love." He purred into my ear, "What do we do now you're officially 18?"
"Oh I don't know." I sighed, flopping down on the soiled bed. Greg stood in front of me, his hands resting lightly on my shoulders. I looked up at him and it suddenly struck me how beautiful he was. He caught my look and returned it, his eyes travelling up and down my body. He picked me up and settled me down on the bed once more.
"Greg.." I said warningly, but he just purred as he kissed my stomach. "Please Greg." I moaned, we had only just got dressed and the hotel room was starting to get on my nerves, I felt trapped again. A feeling I hadn't had in over two weeks. I looked at my arms; the thin scars shone pearly white in the morning sun. I felt the urge to cut come back and I sat up, jolting Greg off of my lap.
"Sorry." I muttered, looking shame-facedly down at the floor. He turned my face to his and kissed me. I fell into his arms easily and we had just started to get into it when a knock sounded on the door.
"Shit." Greg muttered, pulling away from me reluctantly and striding to the door. Dave walked casually into the room with his new boyfriend as I rested my head on my knees, which I had pulled up to my chest. I wanted to be alone, I felt ashamed to have these depressed feelings when I was so happy with Greg.
"What do you want Dave?" Greg asked, looking slightly annoyed but still in high spirits. He joined me on the bed and I leaned into him, welcoming the feeling of his arm around my shoulders.
"I thought I'd drop by and see how you two were doing." Dave said, his eyes lingering on me for a second. I blinked and looked away quickly, my eyes fell on Mack, who was leaning coolly against the door. He was big, had huge biceps and from what I knew of him when we were at school, very dim-witted. I wondered what the attraction was; Dave normally went for people smaller than him. Maybe he's changed, I had thought hopefully.
"We're fine." I answered him, still avoiding his eyes, "We were in the middle of something actually." I added quietly, Dave raised his eyebrows; he seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
"Well, we've come to drag you two out and we wont take no for an answer." He replied after a moment.
I stood up, my feeling of hopelessness increasing. Greg moved to my side and gently slid his hand across my back. I felt the familiar shivers run through me at his touch and we moved to the door, running down the five flights of stairs.
We ran out of the hotel, Greg trying to tickle me. Dave had Mack's hand, who seemed completely nonplussed. I laughed and ran down the street. Dave called after me and I ran back, not wanting to stay still. I think I was actually trying to run away from my feelings, which wanted me to be depressed and resented my laughter.
"Come on." Greg said, holding my hand and leading me across the road after Dave and Mack. We stopped a few streets down at a local gay bar, I stood back observing it. I noticed a pink neon sign outside.

Make out sessions

I went in after the others, intrigued. When we got in we understood the sign. All around us gay couples were making out furiously. I looked round at Greg, who was watching them in fascination and pulled him into a booth, shielding my eyes from the flashing lights.
"I can't play tonsil hockey." I told him playfully, he looked at me strangely, "I had my tonsils taken out when I was six."
He laughed and grabbed me. We started kissing, slowly at first, savouring each others lips, and then we got faster and it became more heated. He pulled me onto his lap and we didn't resurface until our lack of oxygen made it impossible for us to carry on. Next to us, Mack and Dave were making out. I noticed Mack had a very peculiar way of kissing; his lips were sucking on Dave's in what looked like quite a painful way.
Greg noticed what I was looking at and nearly choked on his cherry, which he had popped into his mouth from the basket in the middle of the table. We looked at each other and shook our heads, hoping we never came across someone like that. Finally though, the stuffy interior got to me and I went into the toilets, leaving Greg with Mack and Dave. As I splashed cold water over my face I noticed a razor lying in the sink. I picked it up carefully and examined it idly. I touched the blade cautiously and looked around me uneasily. I saw my face contort slightly in the mirror as I battled with myself, Greg wouldn't want me to do this.he didn't want to lose me..I wanted to do this, surely Greg would want what I wanted?
I dropped the blade back in the sink just as Greg himself walked into the toilets, he looked curiously at me and spotted the razor lying a metre away from me.
"You weren't thinking of doing anything with that were you?" He had asked softly, his eyes boring into mine. I shook my head vigorously and flung my arms around him, pressing my face into his soft hair.
"I'm done with all that, I promise. I'll never do it again." I whispered into his ear, and I could tell when he pulled away that he believed me. He took my hand and gently pulled me out of the door, leading me to the back exit.
"What about Dave and Mack?" I asked worriedly, Greg just shook his head and carried on walking, taking me somewhere.
"Here we are." He said eventually, standing back to let me see. I looked up to find myself in front of a small house with white walls. I looked at the neat little garden and felt safe for some reason, Greg took my hand.
"This is my house." Greg explained, unlocking the door and leading me inside. I had looked around interestedly, taking in all the beautiful beige furniture and the mahogany coloured walls. I hadn't realised Greg had led me upstairs until I was dazzled by red, black and gold walls, all sparkling with glittering jewels hung from the ceiling.
"Wow." I exclaimed softly, looking around. Greg stood in the middle of his room, watching me. I walked towards him, admiring his black silk bed covers and gold silk pillows. He smiled at me, enjoying my amazed expression.
"I haven't brought anyone back to my room before you know." He said softly, his face full of tenderness again.
"I'm honoured." I said quietly, glancing up at his smiling face. His eyes glittered strangely as his red lips pressed gently down on mine. My breath caught in my chest as he pulled me on top of him, the silk covers moving gently as he slid up towards his pillows. Greg rolled on top of me and I felt his warmth spread over my cold body, he rubbed my chest lightly, circling my nipples.
"Greg..we can't." I moaned, he kissed me again and moved to the side slightly, so he could keep his body comfortably over mine. He rested his head on my shoulder and after a while I heard his deep breathing and I knew he had fallen asleep. I wrapped my arms around him and he slipped off me, lying curled up against my side. I laid my head next to his and I just knew we would be together forever.


And I wasn't wrong, we are still together now. After five years. I've resolved my cutting, though I didn't tell you in my story how much I did cut myself, I just didn't want to remember it, for that, I'm sorry. Mack and Dave are still together too, Greg is still amazed that they have lasted this long, but every time he says this I point out that at least Dave doesn't love me anymore. I have never told anyone to go to hell since all this happened; I don't want a repeat of what happened to my mom. My dad has re-married, Casey is lovely, and she hasn't got anything against gays. She even lets me and Greg stay with her and dad, though she draws the line at us having sex in the bathroom, but, as Greg says, that's only because she doesn't want to walk in on us halfway through it again.
I'm happy here with Greg. It's just too bad the past five years haven't been as blissful as we wanted them to be. Like my father said, I should always think before I act, and now I do. So I have some advice for all of those people who cut themselves:
Don't be afraid to tell someone about it and don't let things get to you. Just find someone who loves you for you and they will help you through it better than any therapist, though they can sometimes help. Some people may tease and call you because of what you do, but it's just their way of finding more information out, so don't let it bother you. Finally, if you ever feel the need to cut, surround yourself with friends, or scream several times into a pillow, it helped me a lot.