Shattered Dreams


I've been taught that things which are meant to happen will eventually happen at a certain time, most often when you least expect it. But that is just it - you least expect it. It jumps out at you at the most random time, begging for your attention but you just brush it away, not knowing the value of it. Only when you do realize its value do you understand the greatness of it.

I thought that I would never love. Many had told me that I was 'emotionless' or someone who possessed no feelings. I didn't cry at a funeral or when I failed my tests, I just saw no point in doing so. What good would those tears do anyway? They thought I simply didn't feel, but they were so wrong. There were points in my life when things were so wrong that I felt like bawling for hours until the pain went away, but I didn't. I thought it would make me look weak. It was a series of occurrences which triggered my emotions, but most of all it was him. He showed me what it felt like to be in love. He showed me that the emotional tsunami people go through on their way to achieving that great happiness that love gives you is worth it. But mostly he showed me that it was alright to care for someone so much that being apart from them would tear up your insides.

They say that when you do fall in love, you know it for sure, like the apple which hit the scientist and eureka! The solution was derived, but I didn't. Not for a long time afterwards did I realize that I hadn't been feeling depressed in a while and that content feeling was there.

My story starts out with Nancy Gianni , because in essence, that was how it all started, how it was all set in motion, each intricate piece fitting in exactly how it was meant to be.

"Liz?" my best friend Nancy Gianni called out to me, with a blank expression in her deep green eyes. "Were you listening to anything we were saying?" She inquired again.

I looked up from my Chemistry notebook for a second, nodded slightly, and continued on studying.

" Nance, can you tell me later? I haven't studied and this test is next period!" I looked around as Nancy's friends as they snickered at my comment.

"Riiight, you're probably going to get a 95 anyway, and if not your mom will probably pay the teacher to give you good grades." Barbie Blich, Nancy's new best friend said.

I gave her death stare. Barbie Blich, what can I say? The girl was named, to her great disadvantage, after the doll, but looked nothing like her. In fact, with her dark brown hair, big blue eyes and pudgy figure, she looked far from it.

"Whatever," I said.

Nancy directed her attention back at her friends and they began talking about her favorite show 'Spongebob Squarepants' and some other shit I had no interest in.

"So are you guys going on the trip tomorrow?" She asked, her friends nodding in unison.


" Oh yeah, sure whatever," I replied and began gathering my books up as I saw that the test was to begin in 5 minutes.

"Call me Nance, and we'll discuss this later."


As I walked through the halls people who I knew from the volleyball team greeted me.

"Liz, You will not believe what I just heard!" Jennifer McCall yelled out to me, her long red hair in a high ponytail bobbing up and down as she spoke.

"Coach just told us that we have a game tonight in Jersey."

"What the hell?" I yelled, clearly frustrated. Some other girls from the team walked over to us to complain. As I was discussing the pros and cons of getting our principal to fire the coach, Nancy and the rest of her friend walked over to me.

"Oooh, I see how it is. You ditched us for them, huh?" She asked, her green eyes widening as showed her my attitude with a slight nod.

" Bitch," she yelled out behind me but I had already turned at left her standing with the rest of her group.

The remainder of the day went be slowly, as if torturing me. Instead of the volleyball game though, we had a short practice and by the time I had gotten home it was almost completely dark. I collapsed on my bed and fell asleep for what seemed like 2 hours.

The phone ring awoke me and as I looked at my messages, I realized I had seven missed calls.

" Hello?" I said in a raspy tone.

" Hey, love, what are you up to," replied a deep voice that made my heart jump.

" Jason?" I said half awake.

" Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. What are we going to do with you?"

I lay back down on my bed, slightly moaning and waited for him to continue, but he stopped talking.

" GOD, that was hot," he said. I scoffed at him.

Jason Brandy had been my boyfriend for about 6 months now, on and off. We met at a friends party, and at first I didn't think that anything could happen between us because he lived all the way in Boston, and I in New York. However, after we had seen each other a couple of times we had just clicked.

From an outside perspective, he seemed like the perfect 5'9" prep school guy, with the athletic but no too bulky physique, dark brown hair and the most gorgeous turquoise eyes I had ever seen. He was definitely charismatic as well. Now, don't get me wrong, this kid couldn't make a joke for his life, but there were always the cute things he said that made me feel amazing.

Anyway, never in a million years did I think that he would be interested in me because of the 'perfect poster boy' aura which he gave off. He played baseball and football on off-season and was at the top of his class so I could imagine most girls from Boston there chasing him. Well, I had seen them, gorgeous girls with long blonde hair, big chests and short skirts wriggling around to get his attention. But he chose me.

It isn't like I felt that I wasn't good enough for him, well far from it. I was about 5' 3" I had long curly brown hair that I dyed black and warm honey colored eyes. I had a pretty toned body from years of surfing the California reef when I had lived there, and had been called beautiful many times before. So no, I didn't feel inferior, just unsure of whether I fit his standards.

The second time we saw each other was essentially by chance. I had gone to my aunt's house for the weekend and he was by a friends. My aunt made me take her son to the park and after much deliberation, I did

I wish I could say that I remember what happened clearly, how the mist smelled or even what I was wearing but I don't. All that sticks out in my mind is the way his eyes smiled into mine the moment we saw each other, and he ran out from the baseball field to the swing set where my cousin and I were. Then there was the strength of his arms as he swung me back and forth and the heat of his hand holding mine as he walked us all the way back, and his lips, the way they felt on mine, rough but enticing in a kiss so intense, I had to pull away to catch my breath. And when our lips parted, and he slowly moved backwards, he didn't take his eyes away from mine once, he just gleamed into them as if trying to decipher something, and it made me feel like I was the most fascinating person in the world.

"Liz?" I gasped at the sound of my name. Jason had been telling me about some football incident, and I had zoned out, only saying "aha" back every 3 minutes so he would think that I was listening.

" I need you so bad, now," he said whining and I had to laugh at his childlike tone of voice.

"Jay, you live too far away…"

" I am coming this weekend, doll face so don't get too excited."

I rolled my eyes. 'Who said I was getting excited?' I thought.

"Ok, I guess you can just---" I stopped talking when I heard the dial tone and released the phone. Not that it bothered me that much anymore, I had gotten used to his behavior already. Just smack in the middle of a conversation, he would hang up or just to some random topic and think it was perfectly alright. My theory was that he was developing some kind of ADD.

"LIZ!!" I heard my mother calling from downstairs. "Nathan is here for you." Nathan was Jason's best friend from school and his twin sister Sandy was one of my friends. Nathan and I became closer in the past year just because we saw each other more often.

I pulled over a black Juicy Couture tank top and took the mini escalator down instead of taking the stairs. My mother had gotten it installed about a year back, though I saw no need for it, but she liked to spend her money on useless things like that just to make our house seem glamorous. I figured I might as well take advantage of it while it was there, so I used it sometimes.

I found Nathan sitting in the foyer with his head down in his hands.

" Nat," I said, and he jumped up, startled.

"Oh gosh," he said staring into my eyes, then looking me up and down, "I need to tell you something, but not here, please."

"Ok." I said, and led him into the gazebo where we sat down opposite each other. The sky was an incredibly deep blue, and it was pretty chilly.

He ran his hands through his thick dirty blonde hair, and opened his mouth a couple times but then closed it, probably unsure of what to say.

" I don't know what the best way to say this is, so I'm just going to say it." He got up, then sat back down.

We sat in silence for about a minute.

"So, uh. Jason is on drugs."

I jumped up and grabbed his arm. "WHAT!" I yelled.

Nathan's eyes widened, but he continued. "He has been for a couple months now, uh, I don't know if you really noticed his change in, uh, how he acted."

I released his arm, and he rubbed it, sitting back down.

"What kind of drugs?" I questioned, searching for answers. "Why did I find out about this just now? How long have you known? Does anyone else know? Oh god, does anyone else know?"

"Just, ya know, pep pills, some speed to help him stay on top of the game and do well in school. The kid needs more than 16 hours a day for all the shit he does."

"So you're ok with it?" I asked.

"Ok? No, but I see why he'd do it. He's got so much pressure coming from his parents, you know to do well in school and to be the all-star on the baseball field that, like, it is tough shit out there."

"It's not an excuse. He's messing everything up even more. He's going to end up screwing up his entire life and jeopardizing his health. I mean, it is so totally irresponsible of him."

" Yea, I know. Hey look, no one said you have to stay involved with this. You might as well just dump him now. You don't have time for these kind of problems now, and I totally understand that." He moved in closer to me, and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Gosh, I thought you were his friend." I whispered.

"You know your eyes sparkle when you're sad? You're just gorgeous, Liz." I could feel his warm breath on mine, and he moved in closer, almost trembling, but placed his lips on mine. He wrapped his left hand around my waist.

I jumped back, startled. "I have a boyfriend," I said, "and I want to help him through whatever he's dealing with. What good would it be if I just abandoned him now when he needs me most?"

"Having you doesn't stop him from kissing other girls…" He said, laughing nervously.

I pretended that I didn't hear his last comment. "I think you should go."

The winds got stronger as I walked back to my house, and I could hear my parent's angry voices reverberating throughout the halls.

"YOU Don't understand, Samantha! …NO! You don't have any idea what's best."

"OH, and you do?…All that matters to you is YOUR JOB…"

I tried to slip quietly past them in the kitchen, but my mother came storming out as the phone rang.

"Hello? NO." She hung up the phone angrily and turned to me.

" LIZ, Do you know that you were outside with that ...boy for almost an hour?"

"No, I didn't think that-"

"Well maybe next time you should think before you do things!" She threw the cordless phone at me.

My father stepped in now, and I could tell he wasn't in the best mood ever.

" Samantha, why don't you wait till your daughter finishes instead of answering for her? What did we say about communication?" He said the last word slowly, enunciating the syllables carefully as if she were a two-year-old child who was learning how to talk.

She squinted her eyes, and I wanted to leave before things got ugly.

"COMMUNICATION! Ha, as if you know the meaning of the word. Maybe if we communicated more often we wouldn't be having this problem."

" If you spent less time on the god damned phone, Samantha, maybe you'd realize there was something going around in this house!" My father stated, raising his voice.

"Could you just fucking stop it please! We've all had enough of this fighting" I yelled out before I turned to leave, as my mother grabbed my arm forcefully.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that! Now go upstairs, I don't want to see your face."

As I ran up the stairs I could hear them yelling, and when the phone rang again my heart stopped. Luckily, I picked up before my mother did, and she was still 'talking' to my father.


"Hey, its Nancy. Um, I needed to talk to you about something. Jon, who is supposed to be my boyfriend, totally blew me off tonight to see Amy!! I cant--"

"Nance, I can't do this now. I'm sorry, I just really couldn't care less right now about Jon and you. Just deal with it, he's screwing Amy. You and him are over. Say bye."

I heard the front door downstairs slam and my father's words as he got in his car

"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE!" She yelled after him, her words echoing throughout the house.

"Ugh, Liz. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" I said slamming down the receiver.

Oh yeah, I thought nothing was wrong with me. My so-called boyfriend is messing up his life, my solid groups of friends suddenly decide that they hate me, and my parents are on the verge of splitting up. Everything was just plain amazing.

A/N: I'm finally over my writers block. So I've been trying to start this story for a while now, and I can promise you it's going to be amazing! I really think my writing has matured over the past year, and hopefully Ill be able to update quickly, being that I have 10 chapters already done. So based on how many review I'll get, I'll try to update soon. Please R & R. It means a lot to me.

~ Lana