Empty

1/5/01

I step out onto the ice, shivering. The stinging wind embraces my naked body, chilling my blood. I glance behind me as I think of all I leave behind. School, friends, lovers, life, family. FAMILY. That's the reason I'm going to leave this world behind. I take a step, then another, then another. The freezing ice is shooting pain through my feet. But I grit my teeth and go on. Then. I hear it. The sound I have been waiting for. The sound of cracking, of a gunshot on a frosty night, or ice breaking beneath my feet. I sink into the water. It envelopes me in its fridgeness. I swim slowly on my back, my bare breasts softly sliding on the ice above. Then, I stop. I am falling into darkness. I can't hold my breath any longer. I breathe in water, like a fish. The water is cold against my mouth, my throat, and my lungs. I can feel myself giving in, relaxing, and sacrificing myself to the water and ice. Then, in an instant, I am gone. I have left this cruel, heartless and frightenly cold and real world behind. And I can not ever return.