The Story you've Never Heard

So, you want to hear it from my point of view, do you? Of course you don't. But you will anyways. Of course, like in all stories like this, I'm just the "poor, misunderstood Aycan". But, really! I am misunderstood! I mean, YOU all think that I'm a conceited prick because I think my ass is sexy. Well, it is. If you have a problem with that, bring it up with the authors and take a number. You'll be waiting a while. But, anyways . . . Most people think it's funny to make me a total idiot in fan fiction. That's because it is. But, that doesn't mean that they should! Maybe I am a big softie inside. Do people have a problem with that? Again, bring it to the authors and take another number. Yes. One number per question. The most common misunderstanding is my feelings for Aliasa.
Okay, so SHE broke up with me for some dumb ass. Albeit, a very good looking and lovable dumb ass, but still. Of course I'd feel bitter about that. I mean, what if YOUR girlfriend left you for a hippopotamus? Yea, now you're getting it. Come on people . . . She was a GOOD catch. You all agree that Aliasa is one hot momma, right? Of course you do. She was MY girlfriend, MY little minion, Me, my way, mine, me. And, of course, there is NO way she broke up with me because of something I did. Of COURSE not. It must have had something to do with the little twerp she seemed to have fallen for . . . So, just like any bitter ex-boyfriend, I began to point fingers . . . Which leads me to the next misunderstanding . . . .
Okay, so maybe I expressed my dislike of Xantos to a few . . . shady characters, but that doesn't mean I SENT someone to kill him. I was angry, and that dragon thing just HAPPENED to be there . . . So I just HAPPENED to mention that I REALLY didn't like Xantos . . . One thing led to another, and next thing you know, the kid's in a hospital bed. Not that I wasn't disappointed that he wasn't dead. I mean, it would have been nice if he had died . . . Hey, I'm a selfish jerk. Is that such a crime? Yea . . . That's what I thought.
So, of course, I was depressed and distracted during the Guardian trials . . . I could have easily beaten ALL of my opponents. But I didn't. I think that the idea of being evil overlord was much more appealing than "Goody Goody Guardian". It was only AFTER that I realized that taking over the world would be OH so much easier if I were a Guardian. That's what you call . . . No, not irony. That's what you call . . . Doing things the hard way. Hey, I'm an over achiever. You got something against that? Take another number, please.
So, of course, I became an outcast. Not that they weren't throwing me out. I left of my own free will. Why not get a head start on taking over the world? While I was out and about . . . I hear some stories. Of course I did. I can't just isolate myself from the world. News travels. I heard that my darling, sweet, somehow brainwashed by an idiot Aliasa had been attacked. Bah. They'd probably blame this one on me too . . .
Soon thereafter, I ran into that idiot Xantos. He was probably lost. I mean, what else do idiots do with their time? Of course, I would never know the answer to that question . . . Well, of course, it was HIS fault for being out so late AND by himself. Why not boost my ego and sharpen my swordsmanship on him? Idiot or not, he wasn't a half bad fighter. As much as I hated to admit it . . . . Anyways . . . I THOUGHT I had killed him. But, of course, as it always goes, he somehow managed to escape my clutches. I really need to work on improving my clutches. Things just seem to slip right through them . . . Anyways . . .
Now, I'm just sitting around formulating another plot. And, of course, improving my clutches. This way, I'll have an ingenious plot and clutches that even a flea couldn't escape from. Unfortunately, the authors are obsessed with open-ended chapters, not to mention being very slow and very busy. So I can't really tell my side of the story if you haven't heard THEIRS. Now, I'm sure you're educated and full of questions for the authors. So, pack up a picnic and take a number . . . you'll be waiting a while.
So now you know . . . The Story You've Never Heard.
Until just now, of course. I mean, I DID just tell it to you . . . .