It is so difficult to love you, and it is impossible to be loved by you.

I tried and I try yet again. I did everything you asked of me, then, and yet your emerald eyes would turn to me and betray that you blamed me for all the things that had gone wrong in your life. Watching you watching me, I wish I never had but I could not possibly help myself. I would still observe you, your acts, your movements, you beauty, if only I could. Your eyes, green emeralds, precious things that I would love to own. The way you look at others differed from how you looked at me. I could tell even then, do not worry about that.

It was difficult to love you, but I did then and I do now, still. You are easier to love in your absence, memories growing sweeter as time passes. When you spoke harsh words I did my best to smile, ignoring the pain inside. There is no one who tells me the unpleasant truth anymore. Sweet little lies and well-meant half-truths are all that remains. You lied, but you never lied for my sake. You lied more than anyone, but it did not matter because you never cared.

It was hard to love you, but ever so easy to adore you. Your grace, your beauty, your songs, your laughter and your dance. All without comparison, all without equal. Your vanity, your cruelty, your hate, your lies, it was all real as they were not meant for me. It was all for your own sake. When you told me the truth you did not say it out of kindness, you just wanted to hurt and that was alright. That is alright.

There are mornings when I wake up and I cannot remember my own name. Though even at those times I can still see your face in front of me, remember every word that you said, the scent of your skin and the sound of your laughter. My foolish actions have deprived me of a life of my own. I can never escape my goddess's curse, and it will not let me rest.

Even as my hair slowly begins to change colour, now speckled with grey and warning me that my life is coming to an end, I still search for you. My friends are all gone, claimed by Morana one by one. I still draw breath, and I still wander the lands in a seemingly never-ending search for you. I fear I shall know Lady Death's embrace before I shall know yours.

Without you. I tried to live without you. The heavens were grey, there were no stars in the night sky, the sun forgot to rise, the food lost its taste, and laughter was no more. I tried to travel to places where I could pretend to forget your face. Places where I would never have to remember the sound of your name. I did my best to think of others, to admire the beauty in other things, yet everything fades against the memory of you.

Commander of armies, master of torture, slaughterer of the innocent, murderer of children. Who is more difficult to love than the one who does not desire to be loved? Yet, it was so easy to adore you.

Even easier to follow you blindly.