A/N: It is becoming incresingly obvious to me that the readers on Fictionpress do not read summaries, this would explain why I got all the "Why do you hate goths?" reviews. I do not hate goths at all, I went through a "Goth" phase in my life, and I used that experience, nd the experiences of other people that I knew as inspiration for this essay. Now, kindly fuck off, and leave me alone.


Black and red mix together forming a culture of nonconformist all COMPLETELY different Goths.Perhaps your town has a few Goths, as you drive through town look for them, they will be wearing all black and hanging out with all their uber-cool friends.Now, how would you like o become one of their uber-cool friends?That's right, you could be Goth.The basics include, all black clothing(Red is also considerd Gothic), black hair, an intrest in "Goth" music,becoming Bisexual,and ditching all your old non-cool friends. .Now, step into the world of Goth, open your mind to the huge variety of things you can be when you are a Goth, and let me take you on the journey of a lifetime.
First of all, you must make a trip to a mall closest to you, and make sure there are ALOT of people there, you wouldn't want anyone to miss you purchasing an over-priced uber-cool pair of "Bondage" pants.While you're there, you might as well pick up a pentagram, an upside down star with a circle around it, keychain/necklace, this identifies you as a satanist and will help you in your quest for individuality.Find some way to rid yourself of all your old clothes that contain color, although purple is now a Goth color, you should most likely get rid of anything with that on it also. You will also need to purchase a few Marilyn Manson shirts, at least one Type O Negative shirt, and if you need further explanation, just ask one of the friendly non-conformist employees, they will direct you to the Band Shirts section of the store.
At this point you would be standing in the mall wondering how you could become more Gothic.Let's see, you have your bondage pants, your band shirts, and your pentagram.Now you must mqke a trip to the hair dye section.Manic Panic is an excelent popular Goth brand, so I would recommend buying as much as possible, if you have extra, you can always help your friends become Gothic!Great, now you have the general needed supplies, but wait, theres' more.
To the CDs!Now you must purchase some uber-gothic music.Remember, if you plan on purchasing anything Marilyn Manson, ONLY get AntiChrist Superstar or anything before it, everything that follow AS is glam rock, which you need to stay away from if you wish to reach true Goth nirvana.Once again, refer to the always nice, always different, always helpful employees, ask them what they would recommend.Now keep in mind, you don't really have to like this music, you just have to act like you do, and infrom EVERYONE you see that you like it.This helps spread the word that you are becoming and uber-cool Goth.Satanic music is always a must, I recommend Slayer, Dimmu Borgir, and any album you see with a pentagram on the cover.
There's more, that's right, more.Did you honestly think this would be easy, and for that matter, cheap?Think again!Now, this part will cost you nothing but maybe your dignity, and you will most likely get thrashed by any homophobe, but not to worry, at night when you're tending to your bruises, just remember you did this to be cool, and everything will be okay!(A/N:This is not intended to offend gays or bisexuals in any way, just to discourage those who become bisexual or gay just because it's the new cool thing to do.)I'm sure you will have at least one homosexual in your school, if not, older males/females will work also.Ask a member of the same sex out on a date, and make sure you go to a crowded place so EVERYONE sees just how cool you are!Once again, as with the CDs, you don't really have to like it, but you do have to act like you're loving it, you want to be cool don't you?
Now for the hard part, letting go all of your friends you built up over the past few years.There are two ways to do this...1)Just plain ditch them, avoid them at all costs, never even glance at them, but make sure THEY see you with your new cool goth friends, remember, you have to punish them for not being different like you, they're just abunch of conformists, or...2)Tell them that you would no longer like to hang out with them, maybe they'll understand right away, or maybe you will have to concoct some lame-ass excuse in the back of your mind, but either way, this step in the process is the most important, they will only drag you down and prevent you from attaining full Gothness.
Now, as long as you followed every one of the steps correctly, you are a , but just to make sure, let's check things off.You should now have all black clothing, black hair, an intrest in Goth music, you should be bisexual, and you should have already ditched all of your friends.If you can safely say you have done all of these, I crown thee Goth.Now you have to go find some more Goths and show off your bondage pants and pentagram keychain!Welcome to the world of individuality.