Do You Ever Wonder.?

Summary: Every chapter will be a new 'do you ever wonder.?' Please read and review.

Rating: PG13. To be really safe.

Chapter one: Do You Ever Wonder. about God?

"But there shall be no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb's Book of Life." Revelation 21:27.

I couldn't even imagine growing up and not being a Catholic. To me it would be like a missing parent. God has been a constant in most of my life. And I truly believe that he is the only person who really knows me. Who I am.

I think I went through what every teenager goes through. When I was about fourteen or fifteen, I was really depressed. My parents didn't know and if they did, they didn't care. I would cry myself to sleep most night and I would cut my arms with the scissors. It felt good. It was like if I hurt somebody it was my punishment.

I prayed to God one night and asked if he had forgotten me. I asked him to give me a sign if he was with me. I got no sign.

The next year and a half of my life I ignored God. I would purposely not pray going past a graveyard. And I silently told him 'Ha, so there!!' It was my way of saying I don't believe in you. But if I didn't believe in God, who was I talking too?

One night I was so down because I had had a fight with my father. I sat in my room staring at the bottle of pills in front of me. Needless to say I didn't take them. For the fact that I didn't want to go from one bad place to another.

The Bible tells us that suicide is wrong. It's murdering a life. It may be your life, but it is only God's to take. And I was determined to leave that decision up to the big man upstairs.

I have a box full of the things that made me contemplate spending the rest of eternity in the pits of hell. My scissors, the pills and some letters to my parents basically telling them I was sorry. That box is taped up tight and in the back of my closet. I haven't touched it in over a year.

That night, what saved me was my cross. A simple necklace. I've had it ever since I can remember. It made me think twice about what I was thinking of doing. I put the necklace on and put the pills away and got into bed and went to sleep. It was probably the best sleep I had had in ages.

Don't get me wrong. I don't condemn people who commit suicide. Maybe their life is hell. I knew a guy who killed himself about eight years ago. My parents talked about how selfish he was to do this to his mother and father. But a few years later a rumor came out that he had been abused and that's was why he did what he did. No one can imagine what these people go through.

Sometimes I do have bad thoughts. but I have my necklace and an other small pendant. I wear my pendant to bed every night and wear my cross every time I go out. I feel safe knowing that God is with me 24/7.

I can't imagine what peoples lives would be like if they didn't have a higher being to believe in. Life would seem so pointless if you're not moving towards something better. I think that everyone should have something or someone in their lives to believe in.

The world would be too cruel if death was the end of everything.

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