The Most Awful Feeling

***

This recent shit-smear of life has been getting to me...
I want to cry, I need a hug, won't you just let me be?
I'm crumbling. I'm breaking down.
I'm being ripped apart.
I hate myself.

I'm sorry I haven't been with you.
I've been avoiding people now.
I'm sorry I can't make you smile...
These days I don't know how.

I told you I had flaws...
Is this turning you off?
I'd kiss you, I would---
But I would flinch in your touch.
I'm sorry...it's not your fault.

I can't exist like this.
I need for you to hold me.
I want silence, I want solitude,
But I'm so fucking lonely.