Today is the 25th of February.

I could have been arsed to update this sooner, however lately life has been too eventful and I haven't been in the best of moods. January came and went. I didn't make it into the honors music festival, but I got into the talent show. I have finally started practicing the piano more. I've been preoccupied with the trombone and flute and oboe. Yes, trombone. My teacher made me learn it because our trombone section is only two people. I got a 4.0 and I'm the top of my class. I guess it's ok. But life has been kinda downhill ever since I told a friend on that I was bi. Well he knew a guy that happens to go to my school and one day he just came up to me and said he knew. It would have been ok if he was a civilized open-minded type but he hates me. Now ever since, people have been asking me. I deny it, but it's getting too emotionally difficult for me to lie and lie and suppress these emotions.

I'd like to take the time to tell you know that I like a boy in my band. His name? Deryk. I said it. There. Well he and I and good friends and he is such a musician. That's why I like him. One day, I walked in on him playing the piano. He thinks I'm a prodigy a piano and he stopped playing. He said I could play if I wanted to, cuz he said I'm better. That's when I said that he can play fine and I would rather enjoy listening to him playing then playing myself. That's when he got up and shut the door. He asked me if I was bi, he had gotten wind of that little rumor. I had no idea what to do. I told him, but I can trust him. He said he was ok with it and totally understood and would always be there for me. I didn't tell him I liked him. I was too scared. Later that day, Nicole said that I couldn't hide my sexuality for long cuz I'm more flamboyant then other guys. "Like Deryk", she said. I swear my heart skipped a beat. I was planning on forgetting about him and making life easy, but that's when she said he confided in her about his sexuality. He's not sure yet. It's killing me. Even now, two weeks later, I still think about it all the time. It's driving me insane. I want to talk to him, but I don't want him to take it the wrong way. I have a bad history with things like that. Anyway, I have been drinking myself to sleep from night to night and I would cry if I Nicole weren't here. Not only that, but I'm moving to Washington D.C. this summer. I don't know where I'll live yet. Perhaps Virginia, either way, I have been having way too many problems with having to deal with my school thinking I'm bi (I'm not totally "out" yet) and Deryk driving me crazy. He doesn't talk to me that often anymore. I think he's avoiding me even though he said it didn't bother him. Then he goes and makes things more confusing by asking Steffanie on the bus last week if I was gay. Why would he do that? I told him I was bi like last month. He's making me like him more and more and yet I want to kill something. I don't think I've ever liked anybody more then him before, ever.

I know vanting isn't healthy, but I need to tell someone!! Sorry if I seem pathetic. I have to practice the trombone and my piccolo solo soon so bye.

Until whenever,

Jake