Forgive Me

When you think you're right, you preach

You tell other people to change their ways

You try to make their lives better

You offer nothing but support

Never judging, or telling them off

Then you're the one who's wrong

And your world shatters before your eyes

You cling to an old stuffed toy

Like you did when you were innocent

You lost everything you stood for and valued

Now you're trying to survive your own life

Survive what you said would kill you

You said you'd die if you did what you did

But you're still alive, with all the shame

And you're here to tell me that you're scared

Never can you go back

You hardly know if what you did was wrong

Hardly know the defining lines

You just want to break free without the shame

You want to be like everyone else

So you've betrayed yourself in the worst way

Tearing your morals from your broken soul

Questioning them as you lie on the floor in tears

Introspection won't save you now

But neither will the ones who care

You have to face that no one will help you

Without judging you for what you might have done

Where are those people who love you now

Now that you need them more than life

Their love has become conditional

On keeping your dark secret until the end of time

Where are those people you call your friends

Your voice is silenced by your own fear

And you can't ask for their advice

How can you live when you don't know what you did

You might have done something horrible

Or you might be overreacting

Depending who you ask

And your black and white morals couldn't save you

You turned on yourself in a blur of resentment

Your morals were the chains that held you back

From even the simplest things in life

Now for what you would have done

If you hadn't trembled with the fear and shame

And forced yourself to try to take it back

And left yourself to wonder if it counted

To be so close to the evil of those you "help"

You thought you were better

You thought you were different

You thought you didn't do the wrong thing

Now you're left with the pain

Mind numbing agony

Beyond the physical and mundane

Have you destroyed your soul

Was what you almost did wrong

Your intent might have been

Does it even count that you stopped yourself

Before you took it too far

Or is the fact alone that you even tried

To raze the open book that is your life

Enough to make you the worst person in existence

You knew your guilt would scar your psyche

You knew you'd be left here, alone in your mind

You knew you wouldn't let yourself leave, unpunished

You knew you'd never let yourself see the end

But you took that risk

And now you have to pay

Lying on the floor, unable to speak or crying

Silently begging

To yourself more than anyone

Wondering if anything could change your self-hatred

One last whisper, you call out to your pain

"Forgive me."