When you think you're right, you preach
You tell other people to change their ways
You try to make their lives better
You offer nothing but support
Never judging, or telling them off
Then you're the one who's wrong
And your world shatters before your eyes
You cling to an old stuffed toy
Like you did when you were innocent
You lost everything you stood for and valued
Now you're trying to survive your own life
Survive what you said would kill you
You said you'd die if you did what you did
But you're still alive, with all the shame
And you're here to tell me that you're scared
Never can you go back
You hardly know if what you did was wrong
Hardly know the defining lines
You just want to break free without the shame
You want to be like everyone else
So you've betrayed yourself in the worst way
Tearing your morals from your broken soul
Questioning them as you lie on the floor in tears
Introspection won't save you now
But neither will the ones who care
You have to face that no one will help you
Without judging you for what you might have done
Where are those people who love you now
Now that you need them more than life
Their love has become conditional
On keeping your dark secret until the end of time
Where are those people you call your friends
Your voice is silenced by your own fear
And you can't ask for their advice
How can you live when you don't know what you did
You might have done something horrible
Or you might be overreacting
Depending who you ask
And your black and white morals couldn't save you
You turned on yourself in a blur of resentment
Your morals were the chains that held you back
From even the simplest things in life
Now for what you would have done
If you hadn't trembled with the fear and shame
And forced yourself to try to take it back
And left yourself to wonder if it counted
To be so close to the evil of those you "help"
You thought you were better
You thought you were different
You thought you didn't do the wrong thing
Now you're left with the pain
Mind numbing agony
Beyond the physical and mundane
Have you destroyed your soul
Was what you almost did wrong
Your intent might have been
Does it even count that you stopped yourself
Before you took it too far
Or is the fact alone that you even tried
To raze the open book that is your life
Enough to make you the worst person in existence
You knew your guilt would scar your psyche
You knew you'd be left here, alone in your mind
You knew you wouldn't let yourself leave, unpunished
You knew you'd never let yourself see the end
But you took that risk
And now you have to pay
Lying on the floor, unable to speak or crying
Silently begging
To yourself more than anyone
Wondering if anything could change your self-hatred
One last whisper, you call out to your pain
"Forgive me."