Poet's Note: This is the product of listening to Waiting by Jimmie's Chicken Shack for about twelve times in a row and then not paying attention during my Comparative Politics class. So, yeah, it has sort of song-ish feeling to it, I think. Thanks a lot for reading, and if you'd be so kind, leave a review when you're done. Thanks!

(Untitled) For The Moment
I'm not free here.
I don't truly live here.
There's somewhere in my mind
that I belong
and it's just
not
real enough.
I'm not who they think I am.
I'm not who I seem to be.
There's something inside of me
and nothing controlling me
and everything
everything
everything is just plain wrong.
We're not living our lives
in the right way.
I'm not as strong as I feel
inside my mind.
I'm just wasting my time here.
I don't know what I'm doing here.
There's nothing left but to run away
and those are my plans for today.
It's not who I am.
These things, they're just not right.
Everything's gone so horribly
horribly
horribly different than planned
and no one understands.
There's nothing keeping me here
but I'm still bound to fear.
My heart was never here.
And I'm still lost
just like everyone.
Everyone's gone
and so here I am.
With my heart and my mind
and I'm still just wasting time.
And everyone here's so indifferent
to everything including myself.
I just want to
want to be
just be myself
and truly
here I am
no one.
So casually afraid
of never realizing my fate
because we're all destined to die
but we get to choose the time
the place
the feeling
the breath that's our last.
But here I come anyway
proving
that some things are never lost
just unnoticed
and feeling left out.
Nervous and waiting
and yet somehow still strong
stronger
stronger than anyone
than everyone who's ever lived.
Living moment to moment
living inside my mind
running away from reality
and going blind.
Deaf to those who speak
and dumb to those who would listen
and always so far away
from anywhere that I might call home.
Because my future is unclear to me
something I'll never see
until it's too far past
and over with.
Trapped inside a false unreal world
that is slowly dying
murdering
everything
everyone's dreams
leaving us with just one Hope
who's scared of dying
too soon
too young
to help what he's here to save
because no one could ever save
everyone
everywhere
any time
ever before.
Because this is a world of oppression
but even dying Hopes can dream
of some place better
and free of sin
free of hate
freedom ever-lasting
above the thralldom of death.
But it's too much
and never enough
to give in before it's time.
No one's saved yet
and the arguments continue on
and on
forever
unstopping
and I'm still not home.
The disease of the human mind
gives us grief and relief
when we don't even know
what's wrong with the world
but it helps us to go on.
And go on we shall.
Forever.
And Hope is born.
To save
us
all
in the end.
Hope to the very end.
And always in my head
to save me.
And freedom
is just a single
dream
away.

TMK 9/29/04