It's been a while, so I doubt anyone who was reading this still is...haha oh well. ^_^

Snag 3: Escaping the Womb

Honeymoon night was the hell to which Will awoke. He blinked a few times before realizing that he was tied to a massive bed, and Shina was entering the room in a sheer slip of somekind.

"Now, after I am impregnated, I transfer my uterus to your body, you carry the baby so I don't get stretch marks, and then we cut it out of you." She settled herself above him on the bed, and he suppressed a squeal of fear.

"You can have my heart but you can never my body!" he declared. "I—I mean, you can have my body but you never have my—"

"Oh, hush and impregnate me already!" She didn't do anything, and neither did he. They stayed that way for some time, before he asked the obvious question.

"But…how?" She laughed as if she knew, then silenced and cleared her throat.

"You should know!" she yelled. "You're male, aren't you?!"

"Well, you see, there was some confusion about that. When I was younger my mom used to call me her Little Lita and dress me in pink skirts and—"

Shina pressed her mouth to his, left it there for a few seconds, then pulled away.

"Am I pregnant, do you think?" she asked hopefully. Will, figuring there was something more to it, answered in the only logical manner.

"Y-yeah, I think you are. You seem pregnant already…"

"Good! That was easy! I don't know why Lem advised me to wear this." She picked at the sheer fabric, and Will closed his eyes. Her breasts weren't very large—quite tiny, actually—but they were breasts, and he'd never seen those before. Suddenly he wanted to touch them, but alas his hands were tied. Then Shina tapped herself three times on the stomach, tapped Will three times in the same place, and said something to the extent of "Dead Uterus, transfer!" It did, and Will squealed like a little girl, more from fear than anything. Then Shina brought the Uterus back to semi life, and Will wondered if he would grow his own breasts.

"Now, husband, there are a few rules you will need to know before I untie you…" She moved away from him and stormed to the other side of the room, settling in a diabolically seated pose in the desk chair. Will had to crane his neck to see her. "One, you are not to leave my Super Fortress of Terror; two, you are to take vitamins for the baby; three, you are to keep your cat out of my Underthings. Are we understood?" She shot him one of the most terrifying glares he'd ever encountered, and he nodded out of reflex. She was much scarier than his father. He wondered where that bastard was…and Gibby, where was Gibby? On cue, the cat leaped onto the bed, and in a puff of dead fur sneezed viciously.

"Gibby," he noted before Shina ripped his bindings away, and called to her guards.

"Now, I want you to put him in the minimum security dungeons with an especially sleepy guard, so he won't escape! And don't allow anybody to enter the dungeons unless they are very clever supporting characters! Out of my sight!" The guards dragged Will from the room. Unfortunately, from his position slung over the shoulder of the larger guard, every hallway looked the same—kind of like the guy's back and a flash of stone occasionally. Before he knew it, he was tossed into a dungeon, and Gibby, hissing, was tossed in after him. He was trapped. Doomed to rot in the dungeon…unless the especially sleepy guard happened to fall asleep. But what were the chances of that? Will knew he would perish in the dungeon.

Later he awoke to the sound of voices. Pressing his face against the bars of his cell hurt, but it helped him hear better somehow.

"I'm sorry, we didn't mean to wake you. We were just delivering this to the prisoner."

"No one may pass. Unless..." Will heard crinkling paper. "You're a very clever supporting character. So, tell me, are you supporting characters?"

"Yes. We are."

"Hmm...and are you clever?"

"I'm not."

"I'm very clever."

"Okay then. You can go, but he has to stay here and wait for you."

"Ohh, I should have said I was clever..." Will heard footsteps nearing his cell.

"No, no, it's okay. I appreciate honesty. Do you want to play cards?"

"Oh, sure. Sounds like fun."

Suddenly, a face Will thought he should recognize poked around the corner.

"Will, is that you?" it asked.

"Yeah! It's me!"

"Oh, good." The rest of the body came around the corner, and before Will knew it, the door was unlocked and he was free. He thought he recognized that face...

"Mr. Lin?" he asked.

"In the flesh," the teacher replied.

"Wow. I wasn't expecting to see you. You're not a supporting character, are you?"

"Well, no. I'm not. But none of the supporting characters are particularly clever, so I thought I'd come down and keep the plot moving. I'm on my lunch break anyway." Will nodded. That made sense.

After sneaking past the guard, who had fallen alseep after the first game of black jack, Mr. Lin, Will, and Justin sneaked past every guard in the fortress (who each happened to be performing some consuming task), and out of Menia. It wasn't until they were halfway to Justin's house that Will realized Gibby was not among them.

"Gibby! Where's Gibby? He's still in the fortress!" Will sank to his knees sobbing. "He was my most loyal companion and only Necromancy success, and now he's gone! Doomed!" Justin squatted next to his friend.

"No way, man. Gibby's at my house. He was the one who told me to come rescue you." Will wiped his tear-stained face with the back of Mr. Lin's hand.

"That's not possible. Gibby can't talk."

"No, but he can draw." Justin pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and showed it to Will. It was of a stickfigure in a dungeon and a stickfigure with breasts beside a bed.

"Wow. He's pretty good. That's exactly what happened."

"Well, I'd better be off," said Mr. Lin, before he disappeared in a plume of pink smoke. Will and Justin coughed for a minute, then continued their trek to Justin's house.

The second they stepped through the threshold, Justin's wife grabbed his ear and dragged him toward the kitchen, yelling at him in her language. Will followed, his curiosity overriding his sense of mortality. She was pointing at the sink and yelling the same thing over and over.

"But, I was saving my friend!" Justin whined, trying to defend himself. The woman whirled to glare at Will, who put his hands up and peed himself a little.

"H-hey, man, d-don't bring me into this," he stammered out. She sized him up, seemed to realize that it would be too easy, and turned on Justin again. Finally, after about five minutes of her yelling, Justin shoved her.

"Look, Xassya, you can't just treat me like crap all the time! Cut it out, or I'll show you how it feels for someone to drag you around by the ear." Will was sure that she was going to kill them both. Instead, she grabbed Justin and kissed him, then said:

"I love it when you take charge of me," with her sharp accent.

"Heh heh, do you?" Justin replied, grabbing her asscheeks in both hands. Will had a sudden flashback to his ordeal with Shina, and fell to the floor, clawing at his stomach, screaming for them to get the uterus out. Justin and his mermaid stepped clumsily over him on their way to the bedroom. Gibby ran to him, and, standing over his face, sneezed, throwing snot and dead fur on him.

"Thanks, Gibby," Will said, "You're the only one I can count on." Gibby just kind of looked at him before wandering off.

"Mommy and Daddy are doing it again!" a small voice yelled from somewhere in the house, and Will shivered in his place on the floor.