The Adventures of Odi and Crew
A Modern "Gangsta" Tale
By Ben Dandurand
Based on Homer's, "The Odyssey"
It was 12:00 at night in the dark streets of New York. Odi and his crew had just left the "Trojan Horse" after a night of wild partyin'. They had beaten up the manager, Troy, and were leavin' before the Po' Po' showed up.
Odi and his crew hopped in their Impala and floored it until they had gone far enough for safety. One of Odi's loyal, but wasted gangsta's, turned on the radio. Rap music quickly began to blast from the speakers, and the car began to shake.
"Yo, yo, yo!" Odi declared, "I bet all you's I be da' finest rappa' in all New York! Ya hear?" His crew shouted with approval.
Now, anyone who claimed that they were better than the rap Gods themselves, was destined to be punished. Odi's holla' angered the God of da' streets, P.Diddy. He was so steamed, that turned all the road signs around. Soon, Odi and his crew were lost in New York.
Odi, claiming that he knew the way home, steered them into a dark alley. There, they were confronted by thugs, who tried to steal Odi's lunchmoney. The crew quickly left the alley and followed some bright lights.
They arrived at "Club Fiddy", a high-class organization in downtown New York. Once inside the club, the group met the club's owner, Whitey, with his gangsta' apparel and twenty pound gold medallion. Whitey didn't like them, and locked them in a room in the back of the club. But Odi and his crew escaped by dressing up as waitresses.
After escaping Whitey's wrath, the group confronted the Dr. Dre, who gave them a special CD, which he said would help on his return home. But Odi's crew was suspicious about the CD. They put the CD into the CD player of Odi's low rider while he wasn't looking. The volume was so loud, that it blew up the stereo and speakers, blowing Odi and crew back to Dr. Dre, who wasn't happy at all.
At their next stop, they met the witch Missy Elliot, who gladly welcomed them to her pad. But unknown to Odi, he was spending years with her, instead of a few months like he thought. When he found out, she told him that he could leave, but that he must go to the Ghetto to find Willis, the great prophet.
Odi traveled alone to the Ghetto, were he found his mother, and in fact, his entire family. When he reached the great prophet, he asked him to tell him of his future. Willis said, "List'n up Odi, my brotha. To get back to Ithaca, you must roll thru' da' Straight of Disney, and face the Thriller at the end, yo."
"What you talkin' bout Willis?" Odi asked, but he was sent away. When Odi returned to Missy Elliot, she bade him farewell and the crew set out again. On the way they pass "Da Sirenz", a group of street musicians who couldn't play to save their lives. Odi put Cheetos in his ears to block out the noise, but his crew endured it.
Soon enough, they arrived at the "Straight of Disney." They began to drive through the dark straight, unknowing of the danger lurking within. Suddenly, a horrible noise filled the air; a noise comprised of years of failed singing lessons and computer enhancement. Odi looked up to the rooftops of the building to find Hillary Duff singing with her band. The noise stopped, but was soon resumed by the D-Tent Boys, who were digging holes in the alley.
After they had escaped the music, the crew heard a THUMP, and the car bumped. One of Odi's crew turned around and shouted. "Dang! You roll'd over Michael Jackson." He was lying on the ground; his broken tricycle was next to him.
The crew was hungry now, and they saw some buckets on the street. In the buckets, was loads of Golden Fried Chicken! Odi told them not to eat the chicken, but the crew was too hungry. Odi knew the chicken belonged to the sun God, Ludacris.
Ludacris poured out his wrath on them and Odi was swept away. He did not know where he was, so he walked aimlessly, trying to find a place to stay.
Soon enough, he came upon an island full of women. The queen of the island was Lil' Kim, and she welcomed Odi to her house. She comforted him and gave him Biggie Fries and Buffalo wings. Odi stayed there for 8 years, but realized that he had to return home to his wife.
He left Lil' Kim's island, and met Phaeicia. He tells her of his journey and she points him in the direction of Ithaca.
Back in Ithaca, New York, Odi's home, trouble was brewing. His wife Nel was considered single as anyone knew or cared, and all the men came to ask her out. But she wanted Odi to come home so she could whoop him first.
Odi's son, T-dog, was now grown up. He took care of Nel and liked to listen to the music of the Great God himself, 50 cent.
When Odi returned home, he knew he couldn't enter his home, because of all the men there for his wife. So he disguised himself as a Pizza Delivery Boy. He gathered his son, and a faithful shepherd.
Meanwhile, Nel had devised a plan to choose her new man. Whoever could beat Odi's record for continuous rap, would get wit' her. It was near impossible though, because Odi had rapped for two days straight.
Odi and his fellows crept into the house and popped the tires on all of the men's cars. And when the contest began, they stood by and watched.
Nobody was able to rap as long as Odi, so another contest had to be held. But before one could be devised, Odi and his two companions beat the snot out of them.
When the fight was over, Odi proclaimed that he was the great Odi, and Nel's real wife. Nel was grateful that he was back. She ran to him, and kicked his butt.
So whenever you get sidetracked on your way home from a bar, remember to call first. Peace.
A Modern "Gangsta" Tale
By Ben Dandurand
Based on Homer's, "The Odyssey"
It was 12:00 at night in the dark streets of New York. Odi and his crew had just left the "Trojan Horse" after a night of wild partyin'. They had beaten up the manager, Troy, and were leavin' before the Po' Po' showed up.
Odi and his crew hopped in their Impala and floored it until they had gone far enough for safety. One of Odi's loyal, but wasted gangsta's, turned on the radio. Rap music quickly began to blast from the speakers, and the car began to shake.
"Yo, yo, yo!" Odi declared, "I bet all you's I be da' finest rappa' in all New York! Ya hear?" His crew shouted with approval.
Now, anyone who claimed that they were better than the rap Gods themselves, was destined to be punished. Odi's holla' angered the God of da' streets, P.Diddy. He was so steamed, that turned all the road signs around. Soon, Odi and his crew were lost in New York.
Odi, claiming that he knew the way home, steered them into a dark alley. There, they were confronted by thugs, who tried to steal Odi's lunchmoney. The crew quickly left the alley and followed some bright lights.
They arrived at "Club Fiddy", a high-class organization in downtown New York. Once inside the club, the group met the club's owner, Whitey, with his gangsta' apparel and twenty pound gold medallion. Whitey didn't like them, and locked them in a room in the back of the club. But Odi and his crew escaped by dressing up as waitresses.
After escaping Whitey's wrath, the group confronted the Dr. Dre, who gave them a special CD, which he said would help on his return home. But Odi's crew was suspicious about the CD. They put the CD into the CD player of Odi's low rider while he wasn't looking. The volume was so loud, that it blew up the stereo and speakers, blowing Odi and crew back to Dr. Dre, who wasn't happy at all.
At their next stop, they met the witch Missy Elliot, who gladly welcomed them to her pad. But unknown to Odi, he was spending years with her, instead of a few months like he thought. When he found out, she told him that he could leave, but that he must go to the Ghetto to find Willis, the great prophet.
Odi traveled alone to the Ghetto, were he found his mother, and in fact, his entire family. When he reached the great prophet, he asked him to tell him of his future. Willis said, "List'n up Odi, my brotha. To get back to Ithaca, you must roll thru' da' Straight of Disney, and face the Thriller at the end, yo."
"What you talkin' bout Willis?" Odi asked, but he was sent away. When Odi returned to Missy Elliot, she bade him farewell and the crew set out again. On the way they pass "Da Sirenz", a group of street musicians who couldn't play to save their lives. Odi put Cheetos in his ears to block out the noise, but his crew endured it.
Soon enough, they arrived at the "Straight of Disney." They began to drive through the dark straight, unknowing of the danger lurking within. Suddenly, a horrible noise filled the air; a noise comprised of years of failed singing lessons and computer enhancement. Odi looked up to the rooftops of the building to find Hillary Duff singing with her band. The noise stopped, but was soon resumed by the D-Tent Boys, who were digging holes in the alley.
After they had escaped the music, the crew heard a THUMP, and the car bumped. One of Odi's crew turned around and shouted. "Dang! You roll'd over Michael Jackson." He was lying on the ground; his broken tricycle was next to him.
The crew was hungry now, and they saw some buckets on the street. In the buckets, was loads of Golden Fried Chicken! Odi told them not to eat the chicken, but the crew was too hungry. Odi knew the chicken belonged to the sun God, Ludacris.
Ludacris poured out his wrath on them and Odi was swept away. He did not know where he was, so he walked aimlessly, trying to find a place to stay.
Soon enough, he came upon an island full of women. The queen of the island was Lil' Kim, and she welcomed Odi to her house. She comforted him and gave him Biggie Fries and Buffalo wings. Odi stayed there for 8 years, but realized that he had to return home to his wife.
He left Lil' Kim's island, and met Phaeicia. He tells her of his journey and she points him in the direction of Ithaca.
Back in Ithaca, New York, Odi's home, trouble was brewing. His wife Nel was considered single as anyone knew or cared, and all the men came to ask her out. But she wanted Odi to come home so she could whoop him first.
Odi's son, T-dog, was now grown up. He took care of Nel and liked to listen to the music of the Great God himself, 50 cent.
When Odi returned home, he knew he couldn't enter his home, because of all the men there for his wife. So he disguised himself as a Pizza Delivery Boy. He gathered his son, and a faithful shepherd.
Meanwhile, Nel had devised a plan to choose her new man. Whoever could beat Odi's record for continuous rap, would get wit' her. It was near impossible though, because Odi had rapped for two days straight.
Odi and his fellows crept into the house and popped the tires on all of the men's cars. And when the contest began, they stood by and watched.
Nobody was able to rap as long as Odi, so another contest had to be held. But before one could be devised, Odi and his two companions beat the snot out of them.
When the fight was over, Odi proclaimed that he was the great Odi, and Nel's real wife. Nel was grateful that he was back. She ran to him, and kicked his butt.
So whenever you get sidetracked on your way home from a bar, remember to call first. Peace.