(Hey Bud, You've Got Something in Your Teeth)

Best friends, what are they good for?
I'm told that they're like angels
Gifts from God that help you through.
I'm told that they're like a never-ending sunny day
That makes the world a bright place for you.

All these sugar coated similes that make them perfect.
Sure they're there for you, but they're not perfect.

They're job is more honest and simple than you tell me
Your vague, flawless descriptions of only happy things -
They leave out so much that best friends really do.
So drop the complicated crap that best friends are only all things holy
And I'll tell you what best friends really do.

Best friends...
They come to your house for no special reason
Just to hang around.
Best friends...
They aren't embarrassed to tell you
When your fly is down.

Best friends...
They tell you when you look stupid
Before you go out and look like a fool.
Best friends...
They try to be nice and fib
Saying something ugly looks really cool.

Best friends...
They save your reputation
Saying when you've got snot in your nose.
Best friends...
They tell you when you've got something in your teeth
Before anyone else knows.

Best friends...
When you're in trouble
They leap into action.
Best friends...
They act like morons in public with you
Just to see your embarrassed reaction.

Best friends...
They share that 'obsession' you have
Making you feel less insane.
Best friends...
They 'clearly' let you know it
When you're acting like a pain.

Best friends...
They slap you in the face
Before you turn into a crazy wreck.
Best friends...
They make fun of you
To keep your ego in check.

Best friends...
They do silly everyday shit that somehow
Makes you laugh so hard you cry.
Best friends...
They share in those incredible moments
That you'll never forget until the day you die.