So this story started in a note my friend wrote to me that she thought was really funny and then I thought it was funny so it turned into a full-fledged story. . . I couldn't think of a different way to start it other than the way she did when she started re-writing it. . . so I didn't.
All of the notes from me, are either italicized next to what I'm commenting on or I put a -!- next to it, and you can find my notes down at the bottom. . . those are for the ones that kinda get in the way of the actual story. . .
Little summary of this. . . this is supposed to be a story to make fun of all the guys I've liked (or in the case of Matt, got stalked by/my friend liked him and I think its funny) so what happened in the note is that I was married to Matt and we lived in a shoe and had dead eight kids (which is the symbol for infinity, an eight on its side) and our neighbor, Mr. Banana, and I were having an affair and Matt was too stupid to know. . . Or something like that. . .
And that's where we pick up. . .
When we last left Beth she was married to dear old fireboy, Matt, and had dead eight kids. But that's all about to change because Mr. Banana was very lonely. And because he and Beth couldn't be together, he decided to kick Beth and fire boy out of their shoe and keep all their kids. It was very tragic for Beth, losing all her kids like that, but she knew she'd survive. So she and fire boy moved to the fairly large city of Peach. It's a very odd city but then they are very odd people.
Once they arrived they found a new house in an old microwave. It would never be as good as the shoe but it would have to do for now. So Beth and fire boy decided that they need to find jobs or they would not be able to earn any pits (which is the currency in Peach.) So Beth went out looking for a job and she came upon this charming little day care center that needed a lion tamer. . . oh I mean babysitter. . . um. . . employee. So she was hired. Her boss was a tall yet short guy with brownish blondish, well just blondish hair. And he wore shirts and hats. His name was John.
But back to Matt. He found a job in the center of Peach at a strip joint. Now Beth didn't really want to think about her husband in a strip joint (frankly it disgusts me. . .) but it was the only place that would hire him. Now Matt and Beth both worked long hours and only saw each other at night in bed where they both instantly fell asleep.
But Matt started to notice the paperboy that usually threw the paper at his head in the morning. You see paperboys in Peach are much older than boys. They're like paper men. And their paper ''boy's'' name was Jake. Jake didn't like Matt because he was a stripper and that's gross but anyways.
One day when Beth was at work, John came in and asked her to lunch. Since she had nothing better to do. . . she accepted his invitation. So he took her to the day care lunchroom and they had macaroni and applesauce. John then told Beth that ever since he laid eyes on her he wanted her.
All this news freaked Beth out and so she took a stack of finger paintings and went home.
Now the odd thing on this day was that Jake forgot to drop off the paper. This confused Beth greatly but as she approached her house he appeared on his puce saltshaker and accidentally knocked all the finger paintings out of Beth's arms
Now she was very sad because she had to pick them all up. But Jake said, ''Not to worry your finger painting are very beautiful and I'll help you''
Now Beth realized Jake wasn't that bright because these weren't her finger paintings she didn't have all these colors. But she invited him in anyways
Meanwhile, at the same time,- Matt was about to give a costumer a lap dance when he realized he works in a gay bar. . .
He looked around confused wondering what happened, how he ended up in a gay bar. He started trying to figure out how he got there and it hit him. . . right in the head. Beth must have brainwashed him! She made him go into a trance and climb up onto some guy's knees and begin to take off his fireman outfit. (ewwy. . .) So he devised a plan to get back at her! He'd actually work the gay bar. He'd do it and cheat on her for revenge. What a punishment for Beth (nah, I don't mind)
And what a punishment that would be! Meanwhile. . . Beth and Jake were getting very comfortable on Beth's couch, ''comfy''. Then Jake asked if he could hold her knee and she became very confused. ''Nobody's asked me that in a very long time, '' said Beth. But just as she was about to lay it in his hand, John burst through the door.
''Beth, '' he said, ''Did you steal all those finger paintings today? ''
And all of the sudden it all made sense to Jake. She's a finger painting thief. 'How dare her! ' he thought. But of course, Jake, not being that bright, never once stopped to think that john might be in love with her. Now john knew Beth was married so he was slightly puzzled by this.
He couldn't figure out why Jake was there. 'He must be her accomplice! ' He thought.
So Beth sat on her couch with Jake and John, both men seemed very puzzled and sat there in silence. Then Jake decided to leave because he was late for work. Being a paper man was hard work. But as he left he ran right into Matt who had nothing on except a fireman's hat. Jake, confused by what he saw, ran away as fast as he could.
At the same time, john made his move on Beth by kissing the backs of her knees when Matt walked in. at the sight of Matt Beth started laughing. . . this could be for many reasons, or just one. But the sight of Matt made john so nervous that he went and hid in the bathroom. First of all Beth couldn't help but realize how attracted to him she was
Then! Suddenly! . . . . . . Matt said, ''Beth, . . . I got back at you today for brainwashing me. You made me work at a gay bar! So I did it for the first time ever. ''
''You're gay?!?!?!? '' Beth screamed. Then Jake who obviously hadn't really left came back in.
''You're gay?! '' Jake exclaimed. For some reason Jake found himself staring at Matt's head. Duh! Because of the helmet!
--Beth and a gay guy? Jake? John? Bob? Wait who's Bob? We'll find out in the next part. . . --
Part 3(This next part is the original part three, but we forgot it existed when we started the next notebook, so it has nothing to do with the rest of the story. . . it's just funny. . .)
''No, I'm not gay! '' Matt exclaimed, ''but she forced me into working there. '' Now john, hearing all the fuss, ran out of the bathroom. Yet upon realizing that Matt still only had on a fireman's helmet, he ducked behind Beth. ''Put some clothes on man! '' shouted John. When suddenly Matt realized that he had left all his clothes at his ''office. '' (Really it's just a room full of mirrors and a table)
'' Wait a minute! You drove home like that? Now I can never use the flying toaster again, '' Beth was mad. Very mad.
''That's illegal, '' said Jake, ''the E.C.I.L.O.P. will chop that off. You better not let them see that! ''
''Beth! '' John yelled, ''Do you have my finger paintings? ''
''They're in my rooms. Go in there and I'll help you in a minute. '' Now of course we know why Beth said that. We know perfectly well she hid the finger paintings in the back of the toilet. But rightfully so, she just wanted to john to keep kissing the back of her knees.
Jake, who apparently was granted a wish from the magic genie, could read minds for a minute. ''Beth, those thoughts can get you pregnant! '' and then he disappeared in a poof of smoke, yelling, ''I'll be back. ''
TBC. . . when I find our next notebook. . . I know it's around here somewhere. . .
-That's one of my favorite lines. . . "Meanwhile, at the same time" I love to make fun of her about that. . .