What Not To Do With Jelly

For this section, I have decided to remove the "Crystals" from the end, as most of what I say will be with made up jelly (set).

"When the tide of misfortune moves over you, even jelly will break your teeth" - Persian Proverb

These are all thing that I've done, am doing *right now*, or have almost done, only to be stopped by my overly responsible and quite boring friends*.

1 --- First things first, I really have to lay this down with Jelly. Jelly requires patience. What you should do, is wait patiently until your jelly has formed some kind of cohesive, glossy whole. What you *shouldn't* do, is get bored after two hours and drink it. I mean, you can, but its really not particularly rewarding. Not so funny, true, but I thought it best to get it out of the way.

2 --- Don't throw jelly crystals in peoples eyes. It seems like a quite obvious thing to say, but one does get caught up in the moment. Although, it is quite funny if some gets stuck, because if you make them cry, it'll set over their eyes.

3 --- Do not wrestle in delicious jellies. As much as I would love to see jelly-wrestling, I could not idly stand by as someone was de-sanitizing pineapple flavour jelly. That's what green jelly is for.

4 --- Do not use it as a replacement for plastic explosive. I can't tell you how many times I've slipped up with this one. If I had a dollar for every time I'd tried to blow open a door with a box of Aeroplane Lite, I'd have. well, too many to count. Well, actually, one. But I'm not good at maths.

5 --- I'd generally recommend avoiding writing haikus about jelly. I've done this on more than one occasion, and quite frankly it never turns out how I'd like it to.

6 --- Do not use it as a replacement for water. I asked a doctor if I could just eat a lot of jelly instead of drinking eight glasses of water a day, and he said no. I asked him why not, and he just acted as if I was being unreasonable. So, I guess if you like spiting doctors, you really should do that. Although unless you let him know, there's not much use. And he doesn't have an email address, or at least not one would tell me of. Yeah, that wasn't a nice conversation really, so im going to shut up.

7 --- Do not use as a replacement for batteries. I know this seems obvious, but. well, lets just say my radio doesn't work any more.

8 --- Don't write lists about it. Its really, really hard coming up with things. Even better, you can write lists about it, but I wouldn't advise promising people you will, because then you'll try and fail like me.

9 --- Don't eat it with a fork. I had to pay for carpet cleaning.

10 --- One thing that you really, really SHOULD do with jelly crystals is pour many, many boxes down your enemies sinks. It sets. Ha.

Well, I hope, you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Well, actually, I hope you enjoyed it more, because I was provided with a sort of warm, moderate joy, while I'd prefer you to be surrounded by a aura of general laughter and kittens and all things nice.

Oh, and to all who care, I've updated my BIO. Go to. you know, the page with my crap on it if you want to see it. Damn, I just swore. Now I'll have to put the rating up. Or not. Lets corrupt some little'uns, eh?

This series is now complete. All reviews will be greatly appreciated.

Written by DJSAXON2 - Like Jesus, but with cooler pants. And Ray-bans.

* In respect to my friends being boring, they really aren't. They're all amazingly attractive and interesting and I'll gladly do pretty much anything with any of them. Except the ones who don't like me. You see, I like to make friends with my enemies. Try it, they'll just hate you more. Ah, life is beautiful.