Snow White and the Seven Hayters

A Modern "Gangta" Tale

By Ben Dandurand

Based on Kay E. Vandergrift's, "Snow White"

Once upon a time there was a magical land named, the Hood. In the Hood lived a wicked lady named Big Momma. Big Momma was chillin' one day in her crib with her magic stereo. She asked her magic stereo, "Who is the hottest chick in all the Hood?"
"Well," the mirror replied, "It sure aint you! It's Snow White, she got it goin' on!"
"You must be broken or somethin'," replied Big Momma.
"Don't be hatin'!" said the mirror.
"Well if it's true, then I gotta get rid of this Snow White." So Big Momma hired a hit man to kill Snow White, but when he saw her, he was startled by her fineness and could not kill her. Then they lived happily ever after.that is, until Snow White found out the hit man was cheatin' on her with her best friend Cinderella. She ran away from him to live on the streets.
While on the streets one night, a few Hayters came upon Snow White. "Who you guys?" she asked them.
"We're the Seven Hayters," one replied, "And we've come to hate on you."
"Oh no!" Snow White cried, as they began to hate on her.
* * *
But meanwhile, at Big Momma's crib, her hit man had returned with the news that Snow White had run off. Big Momma was mad. No really, she was mad!
So she turned into a sweet little old lady type person and conjured up a magic soda. She would take them to Snow White.
* * *
When Snow White awoke, she was surrounded by the Seven Hayters. Their names were, Coco Puff, Fruity P., Mini Weet, Cheery-O, Pop Tart, Flap Jack, and Lil' Fizz. They had cooked her dinner. "We don't always hate. Just most of the time." So Snow White ate the food and cleaned the house while the Seven Hayters went out to hate on people.
When they came back, they had a party and stuff. Then Big Momma showed up as the sweet little old lady type person. "Drink this soda my dear."
"!" Snow White said.
"It's the Pepsi taste test," Big Momma said.
"YAY!" she cried and took the pop and drank it and went into a deep sleep.otherwise known as a coma.
The Seven Hayters discovered Big Momma's secret and hated on her till she melted.
* * *
So in the end Snow White was revived by the popular and mighty fine Dr. Seven Fiddy. Then they hooked up and lived happily ever.