I'll never understand it.
He gazes
into these wide eyes of steel
and doesn't see
my mind, my inferno,
my burning sorrow,
my hatred and self-loathing.
He looks through this mask of cynicism
and sees something else;
something deep and beautiful
that really isn't there.
Different, he once called me.
Unique and wonderful.
What did I do?
I try my best
to stay invisible, that's all.
Attention, affection;
strangers to me.
And yet,
watching him for so long,
I had always hoped
for something to happen,
a glance, a smile,
perhaps even a few words.
But I never dreamed of this.
I never dreamed
that I was even capable
of loving someone this much.
Boundless adoration
pulses through me,
a relentless tide.
I feel as though
I will explode with it.
Every time I see him
I want to run to him,
catch him,
smother him with love
and never let go.
And it's all I can do
to hold myself back.
Meanwhile, there he is.
His light is brighter
than anything I have ever seen.
What did I do
to make him mine?
I feel as though
I am suddenly the holder of a key
to a great house with many unlit rooms
just waiting for me to enter,
to flip a switch
and explore.
But I don't deserve it.