Those words I held so dear…

It was a cold day in Autumn. That day, it started. Magnificence rained from above in the form of coloured leaves. How was I to know what was to come?

The school was silent. Holding its breath almost as I later would. Normal faces greeted me as I arrived upstairs, a taunt from the side… Nothing to warn me. How was I to know?

And then I saw it, that beauty to behold. I stood there watching you find someone else while I was still alone. I know it didn't work. I know it never would. But why should you be happy in the way I never could?

It's wrong to think this way, but my world did shatter at that moment. I held the broken pieces inside, only damaging myself more. And as time went on, I became bloody and battered. My fault, not yours. But, why should you have someone to heal your wounds when I don't?

I came to despise that girl in the next few weeks. It wasn't fair to her. But seeing you walk her down the stairs as though you were walking with a princess… that was too much. Far too chivalrous of you. Do I not deserve someone to treat me that way? Someone worth treating that way in return?

Those words I held so dear…

You started sitting with her, laughing with her… And I have to stay so close, holding back the sobs until I can escape. But I never really escape. I think of it still during the time away with friends who find me strange. But, why should you have someone to laugh with when I don't?

How was I to know what was to come? How was I to know? Why should you be happy in the way I never could? Why should you have someone to heal your wounds when I don't? Do I not deserve someone to treat me that way? Someone worth treating that way in return? Why should you have someone to laugh with when I don't?

Those words I held so dear…

I hear you brag of her at times. I do not blame you. She is lovely and sweet. A good heart and a good mind as well. But, why should you have someone to brag about when I don't?

You shared your art with her. You wrote the music and she would sing, not well… but that didn't matter. But, why should you have someone to share your art with when I don't?

She told you her deepest secrets. Those things she wouldn't tell her closest friends even. Things they would just laugh at. You didn't laugh. But, why should you have someone to trust in you when I don't?

When the dance came, you went together, of course. I stayed home, alone. You returned to school passing around pictures just as everyone else did. You looked so happy. But, why should you be happy when I am not?

And the days grew colder. The rain turned to snow. My anger burning inside was all to keep me warm. You slid your arms around her as she shivered. You both looked picturesque in contentment. Do I not deserve someone to keep me warm? Some worth keeping warm in return?

Those words I held so dear…

And I sit here watching you play with her hair. And I know you love her. And I know you deserve to be loved. But, why are you loved when I'm not?

Why should you have someone to brag about when I don't? Why should you have someone to share your art with when I don't? Why should you have someone to trust in you when I don't? Why should you be happy when I am not? Do I not deserve someone to keep me warm? Some worth keeping warm in return? Why are you loved when I'm not?

Those words I held so dear…

A/N: Dedicated to Emily and Andrew. I hope you stay happy forever.