A/N: This is a true story, well, part of a true story. A very small chunk of the very complex story about my first and only true love. This is about the hardest damn phone call I've ever made. This is the closest to a diary entry I've ever written and this just happened a night ago. Disclaimer: I didn't create the Rhapsody trilogy or the saying Ryle Hira, I've just borrowed it.

Ryle Hira

Why hadn't he come into the school today, did he regret what we'd done? Did he regret this huge step we had taken, was he afraid of where are emotions were taking us? Rushing into the house I had but one though in my mind, had he called? Running into the kitchen I checked the messages. No luck. Then I thought, no he would know better he wouldn't leave a message. Grabbing the caller ID box I scrolled down the list of names and numbers. Then froze. Eyes wide, I swallowed the lump in my throat. There it was, his name, his number. With shaky hands I flipped through the caller ID again, double checking. There it was again, it had to be his number. When had he called, why had he called? The time of the call flashed up in the corner. Four twelve? Why call then, when he knew I wouldn't be home? Was this a bad call so soon into this.this, relationship? Picking up the phone I stared at the glowing green numbers. My hand shook so bad I could barely hold the phone. A chill went up my spine and I slammed the phone down back onto the cradle. It was too late at night, I told my self. I could make him angry. I flipped back to his number and stared at it again. Cowards get no where in life, I told my self, what ever he wanted to say he would say it be it then that minute or four days hence. Picking the phone back up I punched in the first three number and froze finger over the next. Without warning I placed the phone back on the cradle. Shaking I thought, I can't do this. I stormed out of the kitchen and into the living room. Why, why was this so hard for me? It was one phone call, ten silly numbers and I couldn't do it. I'd never called a man before but we'd already crossed into a different level why should this one phone call be so difficult? Storming back into the kitchen I grabbed the phone up. I dialed all the way up to the last number. My finger hovering over the button. I can do this, I chanted to my self, I have to do this, I need to talk to him. To hear his voice. Losing my nerve I carefully placed the phone back down, shaking my head. I stood stark still for a moment then decided to try again. The worst that could happen would be his rejection, though I thought he returned these feelings, these strange new emotions, if he did not, I could not change what would happen. Ryle hira, I whispered quoting from a favorite book, Life is what it is. What ever came to pass I would make the best of it. I slowly picked the phone back up, hands shaking badly and as quick as lighting dialed the number, but just short of that final number I froze, choking. I slammed the phone down so hard onto the cradle I heard a crack and hoped I hadn't broken it. Jumping up and down I screamed, who ever thought making a simple phone call could be so damn HARD! In a rushing flurry of adrenaline fueled insanity I snatched the phone up, almost knocking the cradle onto the floor and punched in the number, the whole thing and put it to my ear. It rang. Once, twice, three times. Then some one answered. It wasn't him but his mother. I asked for him. Was he even there? I thought to my self. But then I heard a door open as she called his name. Telling him I was on the phone. He was home! My mind whirled would he be happy I called? Or would he be angry or freaked out? Quite suddenly the phone went dead. My eyes widened in panic. This was just my luck. Quickly I hung up, thinking perhaps he would call back and it would all have been an accident. No sooner had I hung the phone up, it rang. I checked the ID, it was him. Picking it up with sweaty fingers I spoke. He asked for me. With a laugh I informed him of whom he was talking to. My fears weren't realized. In fact what I heard made me smile. Just checking up on me, to see what I was doing, everything is fine; call him if I need help, if something bad should happen, if I needed him. He obviously wasn't much of a phone talking type of person, I thought as I hung up the phone, feeling happy though slightly empty and crying for no apparent reason. The conversation hadn't lasted long, it had been short and sweet, in fact, it had taken me longer to dial his number and actually call him than the whole conversation had lasted. With a sigh I thought, three days until I would see him, touch him again. Through the tears, with a strange little smile on my face, I thought.Ryle Hira.