Dear naïve actor,
Although I must congratulate you on earning the lead part in my fabulous new play, I would like to take this opportunity to advise you on a few things you may want to keep in mind when performing at my famous Globe Theatre.
The audience are merciless; give them a reason to hate and boo you and they will – gladly! They are ruthlessly rowdy and if you want their attention you must fight to make a good impression. Do something wrong such as forget your lines, stutter or mumble or embarrass yourself and the crowd will disapprove and be unforgiving; they shall throw mouldy, rotten fruit your way and shout abuse aswell.
To get on your audience's good side and win them over, some of the things you could do are to be overly dramatic and exaggerate your language and facial expressions. Remember – not all my fans are common groundlings; many are members of the wealthy upper class and in fact Queen Elizabeth is known to be quite fond of my wonderful plays.
I personally would like to see a good performance also. This is my latest work of genius and I want to see it be made a success by the actors portraying my characters. I urge you to do your best and be reminded that if you do well in this production I may be inclined to offer you a part in my forthcoming creation; a comedy, Twelfth Night as requested by the Her Majesty the Queen.
Please keep in mind what I have advised and suggested; you will be a better actor if you do.
PS. Best of luck – and endeavour not to make errors; my plays mean rather a lot to me and it is important that they are well-received