Thursday, October 5

Have you ever wondered if you were insane? Totally, completely, lock-you-up-in-a-padded-room-with-a-straight-jacket insane? And that maybe the world, however pathetic it might be, was just a figment of your imagination? ... No, I guess you haven't, you're a notebook... but... Yeh. I'm talking to whoever ends up finding this. (And they will. Someday.)

I'm sitting here, in this abandoned part of the forest... One of the few areas now not marked for removal... Yet... And have been contemplating this for what seems like eternity. Maybe I am a nut case, locked up in some institution where everyday the nurses pass by and say, "Poor girl, no one knows what's wrong with 'er... Just a ranting lunatic of a child." "Yes Madi, it's quite sad. She's not even fifteen..." And they give me a shot to help me try to regain mental health, and close the door again.

I can just see it, so clearly that I might be really there, having a moment of sanity out of my utter-insanity. Me, sitting in the small white sterile padded room, rocking back and forth, screaming random thoughts that came to my head. Things like "Mooo" or "chickens go cluck cluck, yo" for no apparent reason.

This could be the case, if it wasn't for the fact that even as I see this, I keep writing in you.

The forest is so wonderful, you know that? ..... Again I am talking to the future reader of this, not a notebook. If I was talking to the notebook, then I would commit myself right now. But in a way, I AM talking to the notebook, which in turn will talk to the future rea... What was I saying? Oh yeh. The forest.

It's a lovely place really; I'll always consider it my home. But it won't be much longer. See, the world has this thing it calls 'progress'. With this so called 'progress' no one has basic mental health needs. That said, I will not begin ranting on my previous issue of my possible insanity.

'Progress' says; "Oh hell, we dun need forests! The birds and the animals and the insects can all go live in zoos! Who needs to protect the environment? Fuck you, 'Save the Earth movement'!" and the world moves on. The earth is slowly dying. I can feel it as I lay belly down on the ground writing this. We humans have fucked up our eco-system, damning our world right down to its core. Its not comprehensible really, that we humans, which we think are so highly superior to the wild beasts that walk the earth, are lower then the mosquito that now is sitting on my arm.

Hell, I really want to squash it. But then that would be murder, considering everything I just wrote. Then again, if this was in my head, it would really be some sick form of attempted suicide, now wouldn't it?

I ended up squishing the bug dead. I can deal with bugs, heck I even like some, but when it comes to things sucking my blood out of my body, I don't really enjoy them. And so Mr. Mosquito is now a squish on the cover of this notebook. Ha.

Ha. ha. ha. Wait. That's not funny.

N.