Fate is fickle

and god does love to send irony my way.
I need out of here.

I don't think I can handle it much longer.

I want to leave so bad.

But what will it achieve?

If I were to run away.

Where would I go?

What's my reason?

None.

Nothing.

I am lost

without a hope in the world.
Besides

we all know

I'm useless to the world around me.

I'm a slob,

I'm fat,

I'm stupid,

I'm sad,

I'm pathetic,

I'm dirty,

I stink,

I never sleep,

I'm not pretty,

I'm ugly,

I'm too tall,

I'm too short,

I'm not up,

I'm not down,

I don't know where I am,

I've never been so sure.
When did doubt seep into every little thing I do?

now I wonder

Am I a good daughter?

Shouldn't I try more?

Did I do the right thing?

Did I hurt her?

Am I just selfish?

Am I really that fat?

That disgusting?

Am I crazy?

Am I sane?

Am I loved, am I hated?
I'm cold.

I need something to numb it.

there is no alcohol in my house.

That burn they always talk about.

I want that.

I want the pain to take me away

from this hurt,

and the burn

to numb my throat,

to numb me from the inside out.

I sure know I lot about this

for such a straight-edge.

I'm such a poser,

a fake,

an imposter...

I'm not crying.

I should be crying.

I should be angry.

I should be sad.

But right now I just feel worthlessness

and a numbing pain.

A pressure from within really.
Would the world be better without me?

Someone fucking tell me,

because I can't believe

what I think

or see

or observe,

because I'm stupid,

I'm emotional,

I'm useless.

Why am I here?

why do all of you put up with me?

Why do I feel this way?
Why does she hate me?
Do you hate me too?
Do I fail to met your expectations?
Should I be more like her?
Should I be more like you?
Should I be anything than myself?
I think so.

It may be for the best,

after all.

If someone had a choice,

they wouldn't want to be me-

someone so petty and stupid.

Someone who needs help with every step,

someone so weak.
Face it-

nobody wants you.

Nobody loves you.

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares about you.

About me.