"Pair of Heels"

When I first met Todd, I told myself I wasn't going to run into another doomed relationship, yet before I knew it, he had swept me off my feet, right out of my brand-new leather sandals! Todd was everything I looked for in a man: handsome, funny, and a doctor! He even understood the importance of really fantastic shoes! I was head-over-three-inch-heels in love. Finally, I thought, a man who understands me, and my need for 37 nearly identical black clogs!!!! We were married three weeks later. Every moment leading up to the wedding was complete bliss. I dreamed of our future life together; our gorgeous future home with four entire closets of shoes; our matching Gucci loafers; the tiny, adorable shoes we'd buy our nearly perfect progeny...

...Little did I know Mr. Right was actually Mr. Podiatrist. Out went my stilettos, my high heels, my four-inch snakeskin boots. There I was, with good looks, an adoring doctor husband, and only a single pair of beat-up Reeboks. What had I done to deserve this? My life was a total disaster. I was like an impoverished shoemaker without the cheap elven labor; I was Cinderella without her glass slippers! Worse, without my shoes, I was six inches shorter!!! The misery was too much to bear. I decided to tell Todd we were through. He might've been everything I dreamed of in a man, but where my high heels went, my feet followed.

Todd was shocked. "But darling!" he said, "I only thought of you! Imagine how depressed I would become if your life were to be utterly ruined by chronic foot pain!" I snarled back "One of these days, my nine-inch Versace vintage alligator-skin boots are gonna walk all over you!" Todd scooped me up in his powerful arms; slipped off my tattered, smelly sneakers; and passionately gave me the best foot massage of my entire life.

Reality hit me harder than flying wooden clogs. Even barefoot, Todd was the love of my life. Deep in my heart, he was just as important as a pair of diamond-studded Gucci heels. Todd was worth a lifetime of cheap tennis shoes, an eternity of buying pleather loafers at Payless. It wouldn't be a walk in the park (especially with only one pair of jogging shoes), but I was going to try. After another night of tender pedicures and caresses, Todd and I went looking for the most comfortable shoes money could buy! And even if none of them were a perfect fit, I knew from the bottom of my soles that Todd was the only one for me.