What the hell was I thinking

Crash

this is who I am now.

I look back

contemplate

and step into that girl once more

examining

the shattered and jagged pieces

that were

in all fairness

ringing in everyone's hears while no one seemed to be listening.

What the hell was I thinking?

crashing

back into her

with her baggy jeans

and Boys Cheat T-shirt

what else is new

absurdity

she's gone forever now

hidden by my new face

underneath the blur of my jewels.

Am I alive

or just dead

crashing

into her again.

What the hell!

I heard that horn blaring

I heard them scream my name

as I was

hidden in my bedroom

on my eighteenth birthday.

Get out of my head

my thoughts

are nothing more

then after taste

from Tyler's one night of trysting

that at first was a crime

but with a kiss

it was not.

Crash-

you think I miss

that nepotistic freak show

of high school

with all of the taunts

and screams.

Yeah that's right audience

whoever the hell I'm speaking too

I was bullied just like the rest of you

little girl

behind the tits that so many people wanted to touch

with a pen in her hand

head down

as I walk

ashamed

to be the girl before you now.

Crash-

I still feel my hand on him

transferring the fire from his veins to mine

but

crash

he left me long ago.

Crash-

That woman

with her daughter

who thought that they ruled the world

behind those stage curtains

Anne of the Thousand Days

was long enough for me to realize

how untalented you really were.

Crash-

What the hell was I thinking?