A/N: A comical reply to Christopher Marlowe's "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love." I've tried to imitate the same meter and rhyme scheme as Marlowe, and my poem is mapped much for the lines in his. To do mine justice, please check out Marlowe's poem at: http : www. Fleurdelis .com /passionate .htm

To the Passionate Shepherd:

To my shepherd most passionate

Who seduces me with words and wit

And offers me the fields and hills,

The woods and sleepy mountains still:

Lie we upon soft beds of rocks,

Watch shepherds tending smelly flocks,

Drink stale water from muddy beds

And throw rocks at loud birds' heads?

Would you give me a rose bouquet?

Fragrant posies to warm the day?

Perhaps a crown with leaves of chives

To make me itch and raise my hives?

A dull gown made of scratchy wool

From bleating, biting lambs we pull,

Crude sewn slippers of mouldy skins

Laced tightly 'round legs, bruising shins,

Propose you with your pretty words

A life for us with fields and herds,

But I am princess of the crown

And to a prince I'll be bound

Besides, you have no more for me

Than hollow words and petty pleas

My love would give me gold and jewels

Those who bring else are truly fools.