"Okay. This is it." I took a deep breath and looked at my girlfriend, Jennifer. "We're here."

"Yeah. Here we are." She didn't sound as nervous as I was, but I knew she was at least a little nervous. How could she not be? We were about to come out to my family. My very Christian, very straight, "We can't believe you like the color black" family. I was kind of the black sheep in my family, no pun intended. Or at least, I was about to earn the title, if I hadn't already. Jennifer and I had been long distance dating for about two years and had known each other for about three. I wanted to be honest with my family, but I didn't like the idea of coming out to them. Not that I particularly cared what my family thought of me. I had already come out to my parents and my sister and my sister had outed me to my aunt and uncle. The only people I really cared what they thought of me (besides my parents) were my little cousins, Torii (9) and Harper (7).

This was a big day, for more reasons than my coming out. This was a celebration of my college graduation, the only kind of occasion when the entire family gets together. My family was waiting in the restaurant and Jen and I were sitting in the car outside. We had just been at the house, dropping off her stuff and putting my recliner and the boxes I had already packed in her van. She lived in North Carolina and had driven down for my graduation. But she had also driven down because she was taking me with her when she went home. Our plan had always been to live together after I had graduated, hopefully someday get married and have a baby.

"Cassie?" I turned to see her looking at me concerned. "Are you okay? You know we don't have to do this if you're not ready."

"I know." I smiled at her, trying to calm the rhinos charging around my stomach. "But I want to. I want them know about me, about us, and I have nothing to lose now. Except annoying family Thanksgiving dinners. My grandma doesn't even make the broccoli rice casserole the way I like it, so really, nothing to lose." Okay, I knew I was rambling, but hey, I was nervous.

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I am."

"Then let's go." Giving my hand an extra good squeeze, we both got out of the car and walked up to the door. She opened the door for me and we walked in. I could see the huge table filled with my family and mentally ran down the list of who should be there. My parents, my sister Melissa, and my dad's family: Uncle Scott, his wife Kelli, their daughters Torii and Harper, Mommom, and Poppop. My mom's family: Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Urban, Aunt Carol, my cousin Logan, and his girlfriend Erin. Nine people who didn't know I was a lesbian were about to find out. Pasting the best smile on that I could, I went through the hug rounds, more congratulations, and "We're so proud of you" s. I introduced Jen and we took our seats. Thankfully my parents saved her a seat next to mine. I think they knew something big was going to happen, though they didn't know what. I had been kind of avoiding them for the past week or so and I think they got that they would find out why tonight.

"So Cassie," my mommom asked. "What are you going to do now that you've graduated?"

I felt Jen squeeze my knee under the table and said, "I'll tell everyone after we eat." We ordered and I felt bad for the waiter. That is, until he started hitting on Jen. Then I "accidentally" spilled my water on his crotch. She knew and looked at me with laughter in her eyes. She looked so beautiful with her eyes sparkling like that that I had to force myself not to kiss her right there. The conversation was lively as we all sat there and chatted about my sister's schooling (she had just finished her first semester as a junior) and my cousins' schooling. They asked Jen about herself and her life. Jobs were discussed and of course, stories from the past were told. Whenever I was about to crack, Jen would hold my hand under the table to give me courage. Finally, the time came. We were finishing up our desserts and coffee and the question came again, "So Cassie, what are you going to do now?"

"Well, I've been accepted to the technical theatre masters program at the University of North Carolina. Which means that I'll be moving up there. With Jen. In fact, when she leaves on Tuesday, I'm going with her."

"Oh, well that sounds nice," my Grandma said. "I know you've missed having a roommate."

"Yeah, I have missed having a roommate. But, um, Jen is more than a roommate." I took her hand and held it on top of the table where everyone could see. "Jen is my girlfriend. We're going to be living together."

I suppose I should take this opportunity to describe everyone's reactions. Jen was holding my hand tightly, giving me as much support as she could. My father wasn't looking at me (he didn't like Jen at all) and my mother was looking at me like she expected this. My sister was frowning slightly. My cousin Logan didn't look surprised (I assumed Erin had told him since she already knew) and Erin was giving me a slight smile, trying to encourage me. Aunt Carol and Uncle Urban looked slightly surprised, but okay with it. Uncle Scott looked disappointed and like he was trying to slightly guard his children from me and Aunt Kelli looked shocked that I would have said anything like this in public. My cousins didn't really understand, but they could tell I said something bad. And my grandparents. My grandparents were all disappointed, shocked, and disapproving at once, except for my Grandpa who probably hadn't even heard my speech. I was really afraid what was going to happen with my cousins later because I figured they would ask their parents later what I had meant or why it was a problem and their parents would turn them against me, but Harper broke the silence. She has no tact, speaks her mind, and has no qualms about asking questions. I love her for it too.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, Harper…"

"We'll talk about later, Harper," her father said, cutting me off.

"No, I don't mind clarifying for her…" I said.

"I said we'll talk about it later," he said.

"Oh. Of course." I sat back and did my best to keep the tears from coming. He had looked at me differently ever since he found out about me and that hurt badly enough, but this meant that now, my favorite relative, my little Harper, was going to look at me differently too. Harper and Torii had been raised to be Christians (as I had) and I knew what they were trained to think. Lesbians go to hell. So they were going to be told to love me, no matter what, but to pray for me. And it's hard to pray for someone without feeling pity for them. Or distrust. And the truth was, they had only ever known me as I am now, they just didn't know it.

"Umm, if you'll excuse me." I got up and walked as quickly as I could to the bathroom. I made it in before the tears came falling down. I leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. All the stress and pain came out and it took me a few minutes to notice kisses being lightly planted on my head and arms wrapped around my shoulders. Sinking against my lover, I cried myself out and tried to calm down.

"Jen, I can't go back out there."

"Sure you can, baby. You're one of the strongest people I know."

I tried to smile at her, but it came out a grimace. "I'm only strong because I have you behind me."

She smiled slightly and kissed me. "I'm still behind you. Come on, stand up." Grabbing hold of my arm she helped me up and took me over to the sink. Putting some paper towels under the faucet she wiped my face. The cool water felt so good. I could just imagine what a mess my face looked. The mirror confirmed my suspicions. Puffy, red eyes, red nose. Ugh, I thought.

"I look awful," I complained.

Jen took my chin in her hands and turned my face so I was looking into her brown eyes. "You look beautiful. You have so much courage, Cassie. I can't even imagine what it took for you to do this. I didn't realize that they would react like that. I know my family wouldn't, so I can't say I understand and I can't say that I don't wish I could go pop your uncle a few good ones, but you started strong and you have to finish that way. It's going to be hard, but you were smart enough to wait until tend of the meal. When we're done here we'll go back to the house and you can take a nap or pack or… other stuff." She smiled at me. "But hold my hand and we'll go back out there." I smiled and kissed her.

"Thank you princess." I hugged her and held on a little longer than usual. "What would I do without you?"

"Probably not end up in the bathroom crying at your graduation celebration." I laughed and we went back into the dining room.

"I'm sorry about that, everyone. What did I miss?" I asked as we sat back down.

"Well," my father said. "The check came and everyone seems to be finished eating, so we were just waiting for you two and then we were going to head out. You and Jennifer came here in your car?"

"Yes."

"Then I think we're all just going to go back to our house and visit there."

"Okay, works for me."

"Good," he said. "Shall we then?" Everyone stood up, a few people excusing themselves to the bathroom, and the rest walked out to the cars. No one really talked to Jen or me, though Erin kept sending me smiles. I really appreciated that. Jen and I got into my car and I turned on the radio. Jen doesn't normally like my music, but she didn't say anything. I normally listen to country music, but I have a pretty big CD collection, and put in Kittie. I turned it to the song Suck and we sat in the car silently, listening to the angry lyrics as I pulled onto Bruce B. Downs. As we were getting nearer to the house, Jen turned the CD off. "Cassie?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

I glanced at her quickly before turning my eyes back to the road. "What for?"

"For coming out to your family. I didn't think it would mean anything to me, since I know you're not ashamed of me, but it did. I've never had someone sacrifice that much for me, it's usually me doing the sacrificing. I hate that I've caused a riff between you and your family, but I love you so much."

I pulled the car over and turned to her. "Jen, I love you more than anything. You're one of my best friends, my lover. You've taught me more about myself and about life than anyone else and you're right, I'm not ashamed of you. But I didn't just tell them for you. I hated wondering what their reaction would be, assuming the worst, and I needed some peace. Plus I needed to at least give them the chance to accept us. And as to no one ever sacrificing that much for you before, you've always dated assholes." I smiled at her and kissed her. "My love, I would give up anything for you."

She smiled and I pulled back onto the road. She was about to turn the music up, but I stopped her. Instead I put in some Leann Rimes, Nothin' 'Bout Love Makes Sense, and drove home. Most of my stuff was already packed up, since we had planned this for a while. It was Saturday evening and we were the last ones back to the house.

"Hi everyone," I said. My dad came over and pulled me aside.

"Cassie, I need to talk to you."

"What's up?"

"I don't want Jen staying in the house."

"What?" I gasped.

"I want her to stay in a hotel."

"She can't afford a hotel. That's why she was staying here."

"I'm sorry. I don't want her staying here."

"Fine." I snapped. "It's your house. She won't stay here." I walked back to Jen and pulled her into my room. Tossing her a box I led her to my closet and told her to start putting what was left of my clothes in it. I had already cleaned off my walls and most of my books, CDs, and movies were packed. That mostly left stuffed animals and miscellaneous stuff. I threw all my stuffed animals in some trash bags and was putting what was left of my books, movies, and CDs in a box by the time Jen was done with my clothes. She could tell I was pissed about something, so she asked me what was wrong.

"My dad doesn't want you staying in his house. So, we will pack your van up tonight, I'll say my good-byes, and we'll start off tonight. I'm sure you're tired, so you can sleep while I drive." I tossed my last book in the box and taped it up.

"Cassie?" She grabbed my shoulders. "Are you serious? You want to leave tonight?" I pulled away and checked over my room to see if I was leaving anything I wanted. "Cassie, stop!"

"What?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm pissed off! Because you can't afford a hotel room, I told him that, and all he said was "I'm sorry, I don't want her staying here." That bastard! Why wait till Tuesday, Jen? Why not go now? It's not like I'm using you to escape my problems; I'm just making our plans happen sooner that planned. We could just finish with this stuff, kiss my family goodbye, and leave! Get the fucking lesbian out of their hair!" She pulled me into a hug and I cried again. I knew they could probably hear me in the kitchen, but I didn't care. "Oh Jen, why can't they take it? Why are they hurting me? Why can't I just forget about loving them?"

"Shhhhh sweetie. I know, it hurts, but you knew it would. If this is what you have to do then you know I'm fully behind you, but don't you think you should stay another day or two, just to see if they get over the shock and are going to be supportive?"

"No. You're right, but I can't do that. I have to go. Please princess? Let's leave now."

"Okay. Okay. I'll take these boxes out to the van and you finish up packing. Then we'll say goodbye and start out."

"Thank you," I breathed. I took the toiletry bucket I bought to the bathroom and packed up my shampoo and things. I was giving my room one last run-though when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said, thinking it was Jen.

"Cassie?" Harper asked. I spun around to see my youngest cousin standing in my doorway.

"Come on in, sweetie." I sat on my bed and patted the place next to me. She sat down and looked at me.

Suddenly she spoke, "Cassie, what's been going on today?"

"What did your mommy and daddy tell you?"

"They said that you've been dating Jen like you would date a boy. But they said that it's bad. Is that why you've been crying? Because you've been bad?"

I let out a short laugh and hugged her. "No, that's not why I've been crying. Basically I've been crying because your mommy and daddy and my mommy and daddy and most everyone else in the family thinks I've been bad, but I don't think I've been bad. And yes, I have been dating Jen like I would date a boy."

"Doesn't God say that's wrong?"

"Yes, He does. But he also says that lying is wrong. Have you ever lied?"

"Yes," Harper said.

"And God also says that no sin is greater than another sin. It's like, if you look that the carpet, can you tell which piece of the carpet is taller than another piece of carpet?"

"No."

"That's because you're too high above it. And that what it's like for God. He's so much higher than us that he can't tell which sin is bigger than another sin. So lying is just as big a sin to Him as murdering someone is. Or dating another girl."

"Oh. So all you have to do to get forgiven is tell God you're sorry, like I have to do when I lie?"

"That's about right."

"And then my mommy and daddy would forgive you to, after you tell them sorry too."

"They would I'm sure."

"So, come on and tell them sorry." She hopped up and pulled on my hand.

"I'm not going to them I'm sorry, Harper."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not sorry. And I don't want to lie to them." There was another knock on my door. I looked up and my Aunt Kelli was standing there.

"Harper, say goodbye to everyone, we're leaving."

"Okay, mom." She gave me a hug. "I love you, Cassie."

"I love you, Harper." She ran out of the room and I sat there looking at my aunt.

"Well," I said. "You guys drive safely."

"You too. It looks like you're not planning on staying until Tuesday."

"No, I'm not. Something came up and we're leaving tonight. We were going to say our good-byes soon."

"Okay. Cassie, what did you tell Harper?"

"I told her that I had been crying today because everyone thinks I've been bad, but I didn't think I've bad. And I explained to her how God doesn't view any sin as greater than another."

"I see. I don't want you telling my girls anything about God. That's my job. Or their fathers or their Sunday school teachers. Not yours. Do you understand?"

I closed my eyes briefly. Standing up, I picked up my pillow and toiletry bucket. "I love you, Aunt Kelli. I love all of you, but I especially love those girls. I hate to lie, which is why I came out today. So, if those girls ask me anything, I'm not going to lie to them. If you want me to keep my mouth shut, tell me now, and I'll hug Torii goodbye, along with everyone else, and walk out of your life for as long as you want me to. But I don't want to say goodbye forever. That choice is up to you." I stood there looking at her and she didn't say anything at first. Then she looked at the ground and looked at me.

"They'll miss you, but it's up to me to protect them." I nodded and walked past her. Jen was waiting by the door, I gave her the last few things, and went back to say goodbye.

"Everyone? Due to unforeseen complications, Jen and I are going to be leaving tonight. So I wanted to wish you all farewell."

"What, you're leaving tonight?" my mom said.

"Yes. We want to get started. I need to get a job and stuff like that." I hugged all my family goodbye, gave my cousins extra long hugs, kissed my mom and dad, and went out to the van. Jen was waiting in the drivers seat.

"Did they want to say goodbye to me?" she asked. I just looked at her. "Ok. Guess not. Are you sure you want to leave now?"

"Jen. My aunt just told me she wanted me to walk out of Torii and Harper's lives. To protect them. I really, really need to be around some people who are supportive of us and that would be your family."

"Okay." She started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. "Cassie?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Cassie?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I'm in love with you."

"What?" I gasped. She had never told me that before. She had always told me there would be a part of her heart I would never get to because it had been hurt too many times and she just told me I managed to get into it. "You're in love with me?"

"Yes." She glanced me a nervous look and I realized how hard that was for her to say.

"Jen?"

"Yes?"

"I'm in love with you too." She smiled at me, relieved, and held my hand. I kissed her fingers and said, "You know what this means?"

"What?"

"We will need to get that hotel room tonight after all. How does the Florida state line sound as a stopping point?" We grinned at each other and she squeezed my hand.

"Fabulous, darling." With that, we continued driving on, going into our future together. And to this day, I have never regretted any moment with her or what my love for her has brought me to.

And you know what? She and I are going to Harper's college graduation dinner next week with our daughter Jessica who has never met my side of the family. Harper called me up when she was in 9th grade and told me she had never forgotten what I told her. She's always made it a point to keep in touch and when I got the invitation a month ago for this dinner, she had written in that she was bringing a special guest with her, her girlfriend Alisha. And Jennifer and I intend to make sure she knows she's well loved and doesn't have to run away.