You don't find it amusing that your ex-boyfriend sends you a card—without fail—for every single holiday known to man?

I don't think amusing would be the word.

Irritating? Exasperating? Irksome? Grating?

Just like the man himself, really. How unduly fitting.

Why do you think he does it?

It's really quite simple; his ego is so enormous that he's simply taking precautions as to ensure that I don't ever forget him.

As if that is even a remote possibility.

Is it some kind of inside joke?

He once told me—after one of our many arguments—that he would haunt me until my dying day. I hadn't given it much thought at the time… it was only years later that I even remembered the solemn vow.

He has such a sick and twisted sense of humor. He knows that by sending me a card for every single holiday, he's getting under my skin and making my blood boil.

He knows that everytime I walk out to that mailbox, I'm in mortal fear of discovering another one of his greeting cards.

Why don't you just ask him to stop?

Because it's completely pointless. He's got his mind set on haunting me until the end of time. Nothing short of murdering the bastard will stop those greeting cards. And I somehow doubt that even such an extreme measure would do away with the problem.

His poltergeist would probably torture me with an endless supply of Hallmark 'Happy Holiday's' Cards.

Do you keep the cards?


I entertain this fantasy… well… let's just say that it involves a gagged and bound ex-boyfriend of mine, gasoline, matches, and millions of his greeting cards.

Is violence really the best answer?

Perhaps not. But I'm not nearly as creative as he is. I can't think of a way to slowly torture him with something as simple as Hallmark cards. I don't have the patience.

And really, that's the thing that I don't understand about his methods.

Yes, he's torturing me… he's driving me up the wall… but he doesn't actually see the effects of his perfect torment.

I suppose it's rather ambiguous, isn't it?

Just like him.

Why do you think he wants you to remember him?

Like I said—it has to be his ego. You wouldn't think that a human being could be so petulant and immature, could you? Well, believe me… he is.

He wants my entire life to revolve around him. He wants me constantly thinking about him… even if it's not in the most favorable light.

To him, it's all the same. Just as long as I put forth a great effort devoted to him… he doesn't care if I hate him or would like nothing more than to see him dead… as long as I'm focused on him.

It seems as though that's working, though. Doesn't it?

Of course it is! How am I supposed to ignore him!

Greeting cards for every holiday! I don't think you can possibly understand how grating it is.

Christmas, Easter, Halloween…

Even Arbor Day.

Yes, I know that's not even a holiday. But any excuse the jackass finds, he sends me a greeting card. I'm beginning to think that it's actually more sinister than I originally thought.

What if his goal really isn't just mere annoyance? What if he's actually playing around with my sanity?

Has anyone ever gone insane from something like this?


Don't you see? He's a horrible little troll of a man.

I don't know what I ever saw in him.

You'll never be able to forget him, though. Will you?

Of course not. He's made perfectly certain of that.

But it has nothing to do with the cards, does it?

The End!

A/N: I have no idea where this came from. It just popped into my head and I decided to write it down. It's kind of… weird, I know.

Ah-well. Please review anyway and tell me what you think.