Disclaimer: I own not LiveJournal or Xanga. Or IM
Chapter Two: And I'd give up forever to touch you...
Jessmenda lay spread eagle on her bed, staring at her plain white ceiling. Her eyes were half closed--glazed--as if she was semi conscious or partly dreaming.
I don't' know what to say...how to really explain this...
How could she be in love with him? Could she even call it that? Was opening up to another person after they had paid attention to you, was that love? Her emotions were so bent and brittle compared to other people's, that her feelings toward him had to be an illusion. Or maybe she was only lonely.
Do you think I'm crazy for feeling this way?
Jessmenda was shy. She was scared of rejection and pain that she hardly opened up to people. And when she did, it seemed that the relationship always ended in pain. She was also in a state of depression. Nobody loved her. Nobody cared. Her ma was having an affair and her daddy was a comeback alcoholic. She felt alone in the world and she seriously, with all her whole broken heart, believed she was the only one who felt that way.
So when she came across Reed Elliot's LiveJournal and read about his life, she felt a cliched connection with the guy. It was like, Hey, overrated, popular, cute boys feel broken up too. She didn't have to cry alone anymore.
At first, Jessmenda didn't know whether to comment or not in is journal. They were on very opposite ends of the Social Status Meter and in a way, she kinda felt like she was intruding into his life. What id she commented with a "hey, I've been there, I know how ya feel"? He probably would've replied with a "Mind your own fucking business, geek.: Jess was about to exit off of LiveJournal when a very sensible thought struck her. She really didn't have anything to lose, since Reed didn't know her or what she looked like. And if he ever did ask for her name or what school she went to, she could just lie about it.
She left a very short comment, something subtle and not too revealing. She ended it with the ever so common, cute 3, thinking nothing of it. Nothing she had typed in the message was on her conscience.
Jessmenda came back online the next day with a surprise in her own LiveJournal. Someone had commented on her most recent entry, which was out of the ordinary because no one read her journal nowadays--all her lj friends had gone to Xanga, leaving her pathetically alone.
She clicked on the comment link, her heart thumping painfully loud. And surprise, surprise! It was from Reed. Her mind went blank as to why he'd be reading her journal, then she remembered her comment to him. Slowly, she scanned the message.
hey, beautiful. sorry about your parents, mine used to fight all the time till they got a divorce. it's cool though.
haha, I heard what happened with Taylor Kidd. lol, he deserved that kick in the balls.
c ya in fourth,
Her whole body was on fire after she read that. Not only did he read her journal, but he knew who she was. She couldn't imagine going to school the next day.
It hadn't matter though, he hadn't approached her and she ignored him, even though she didn't miss a single entry of his and he had started to IM her.
It was weird, to have a non-physical relationship with someone you saw almost everyday. Like they barely existed. It made her question her values and beliefs. Was she being fake? Is what she doing lying? They couldn't even talk to each other in person, but here they were, joking and listening to each other online. What kind of friendship was that?
And now things have become even worse. Jessmenda may be feeling something deeper for this cat, which, if she ever spelled it out on LiveJournal, could ruin their strange, new bond. She didn't wan to damage that and feel the pain of her loneliness again.
So she decided to write a letter to tell him what's been really going on. A letter she will have to give him to him in person. The same letter that she just crumpled up in her hand because she couldn't finish it.
If everything happens for a reason, then who's to say me falling for you isn't real?
Ummkay, how was that? I'd kinda based Jessmenda on myself, if you haven't guessed already. So I've basically put my whole self into this piece. Telling me you hate it or it's messed up would only break my heart, so good reviews only, please!
Just kidding. Good reviews, bad reviews, nice ones, mean ones, confusing ones--don't really matter. I just wanna know what you think. Ok?