Some people dream their whole lives of being important, rich, and famous. Some people aim to be all three. I want to grow up to be a pirate. "A pirate?" you ask incredulously. Although it may seem ridiculous and unrealistic to some people, I feel it's important to aim high and strive for great things. In all honesty, my dream of piracy is no less reasonable than the dreams of computer geeks who plan on becoming CEO's at Microsoft, or the girl who sits next to me in English who wants to be a famous actress and pop star. Personally, after suffering through Chelsey's agonizing screeching each class, I feel I'm a lot closer to my dream than she is to hers.
It was only last year that I realized the true purpose and direction of my life. It was a cold and lonely November afternoon and I was searching for a copy of Pirates of the Caribbean on Kazaa, the site I use for downloading free music and movies. While fantasizing about Johnny Depp, in all his dreadlock and eyeliner glory, I was hit with this inspiration like an oncoming tidal wave. "Piracy," I exclaimed, "That's the life for me!" My passion for this lifestyle - the danger, the romance, and the swash-buckling excitement – burned bright within me like a red sunrise on those mornings when you know the sailing is going to be brilliant. But where does one begin a life of piracy? After contemplating this problem for a while, I deduced that I would have to drop out of school immediately and go in search of other pirates so that I may join their ship. In comparison, becoming a pirate seems a lot easier than many other professions because there have been no great technological advances in the field of piracy over the last several centuries and no need for post secondary education. To begin my career, I would start out at the bottom, a lowly deck hand, swabbing the decks, rigging the sails, and pushing enemies off the plank. However, I would find myself a talking parrot, and work hard on perfecting my "Arrr, matey," (although I think I'll pass up on the peg leg) and eventually, I would work my way up the ranks and become the most merciless, cruellest, scariest, and most ill-mannered pirate captain to ever sail the seven seas. I would make up a really frightening name for myself so all could curse it and flee in terror at it's mere mentioning. When I retire from my career of dirty deeds, I would make a treasure map with directions to a non-existent island somewhere in the South Pacific and then proceed spend every penny of my fortune. My dream of a pirate's life seems more purposeful and fulfilling than any post-secondary degree I could achieve or being the cause of scandalous newspaper headlines.
You may laugh at my dreams, you may call me a fool, but I'm closer to my goals than you could imagine. Already, I've successfully managed to pirate Pirates of the Caribbean off Kazaa, and have taken careful note of the life and mannerisms of pirates from the most accurate source I know. So hang onto you dreams, cling to them like the barnacles do to the underbelly of a ship, and never give up no matter what others say or how far away your dream seems. It's possible that even Chelsey may achieve her goals, because that's what plastic surgery is for, right? I know that I'll never stop trying until I either become a pirate, perish in the attempt, or decide next month that I want to be a ninja.