Father Franz

Father Franz put his hand on my cheek and said that I was still pure

in-spite

of my demons.

He can see them,

just as I do

that road

and those people

and all of the things that I have done to change

alter

and effect myself

into the mold

that I could never fit into.

My hair fell

into his hands

on my face

and I cried

for the first time in years.

Its a beautiful thing

to feel all numbness recede

and the banks of emotion

that I felt so passionately reawaken

inside of me.

Father Franz put his hand on my cheek

and let me feel the touch of good again

on this new day.

"Will you come back?"

He seems to want to get right to the point

again

I am covered in dirt

and lying naked

in a man's arms

rather

then my own.

He put his hand on my cheek

as though I were a worshiping saint

my hands pressed against my forehead

trying to draw blood out of the situation.

Would I come back?

Would I leave?

I thought about suicide

the pockets full of pills that used to tempt me

inside this dark place

of damnation

and redemption

because I will never be a pure and clean thing again.

I love my ways to much

though I hate

the conclusion

that seems to be staring me down

like his eyes

waiting for my answer.

"Will you come back-"

I felt like slashing my wrists right in front of him

as if it weren't bad enough

that my country is at war

but I am at war with myself

and Saint Peter

my common ground.

This weakness is crumbling

I can feel my walls go back up again.

Is it to much to be loved

without the sacrifice of ones own love

ones own choices.

Father Franz would have me be striped

of my edge

my reawakening

so long.

STOP!

I don't want to go back

I want to feel my pain against me

as though

and finely

it could be the only lover who would not leave me

high and dry

and dead again.

I'm crying again

tears

so stained

and static filled

distill

this interruption

this man made island

falling into the sea.

Father Franz put his hand on my cheek

and invited me into a world of peace

and silence

where I

once again

could feel the joy of knowing one day I could be at peace

with all of this.

One day

far off

when it is now I am searching for.

Promise

me

that

I will be

ok!

But I know I wont.

Promise

me

that

he will be

ok

when

so far

away from me!

I can't protect him

anymore then I could protect myself

from a world on fire.

Father Franz put his hand on my cheek

and asked if I was ready to come back

I shed a tear

pulled my hair away from his hands

and shock my head.